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Kevin McCarthy made a complete ass out of himself for 8 hours last night while he held the floor to keep House members from voting on Build Back Better, a revolutionary bill that will improve the quality of life for all Americans like FDR’s New Deal did plus reduce the deficit. It’s totally paid for and wildly popular with the public but Kevin the Karen of Congress wants to send it back.

Kevin McCarthy is stabbing us all in the back right to our face.

He asked the room in his best booming I’ll Be Back voice, “Are we better off than we were 10 months ago?”

The answer is yes. 4,000 people aren’t dying every day from the Trump Plague. The free vaccine has saved lives, reopened society and sent kids back to school. Children have been lifted out of poverty and moms aren’t as stressed out and worried wondering how they’re going to make it until the end of the month. People are back to work and 6 million jobs have been added. The stock market (which is all their Dear Leader ever cared about) is way up. The rich are finally paying taxes. People are finally getting indicted and are starting to go to jail for trying to overthrow the government. $1.2 trillion will be spent on upgrading and modernizing our infrastructure (after Trump lied and promised he would do it every week for 4 years.) The whole world doesn’t hate our guts anymore, people are sleeping through the night and not waking up in a sheer panic afraid of what Trump and the Republicans did while they were sleeping, and we have a real president who knows what he’s doing who likes dogs, kids, women, immigrants, people who aren’t white, and even Republicans (blah.) So ya, we’re a hell of a lot better off than we were 10 months ago.

He mocked Build Back Better by bellowing, “Ya, I wanna go back.” Back to when we could say Merry Christmas. Back to when women were all wives and Betty Crocker moms who wore girdles. Back to when everybody on TV was white and father knew best. Back to when white men owned it all and women and people of color couldn’t own anything. Back to the good old days when dad was king of his castle, man of the house!

Man of the House. That’s what Kevin McCarthy thinks he is by making everybody sit through 8 hours of him talking to himself.

When he got to the Dems are all socialists part of his soliloquy, he boomed, “Nobody elected Joe Biden to be FDR!” One Dem yelled out, “I did!” Another added, “Me too!”

Political junkies watched the whole thing go down on CSPAN and entertained everybody on Twitter with their snarky commentary. Members of Congress chimed in too.

“Kevin McCarthy stood up at the lectern for 8 hours — which is, incidentally, the only time Kevin McCarthy has ever stood for anything.” — R.C. DiMezzo

“I must admit Kevin McCarthy has accomplished one thing. America is no longer woke.” — Congressman Jamie Raskin

“Madness. Live now on the House floor. I can’t look away because I have to see the end! Because we weren’t around when the original dinosaurs howled before their demise. This is the next best thing.” — Michael Moore

Mariannette Miller-Meeks was laughing her ass off the whole time. Why? Did the edibles kick in? Was she a seat filler who slipped in when somebody got up to pee like they have at the Academy Awards? Is she a Democrat, laughing along with the other Democrats? No, she’s a Republican congresswoman from Iowa, a new and inexperienced congresswoman who has only been on the job for 10 months (she won by 6 votes) so she hasn’t learned the perverse art of keeping a straight face when members of her party make perpetual fools of themselves on camera, or making a phony nod, or clapping along with the other trained repugs.

After his 8 hour shit show shift was over, everybody left to get a couple of hours of sleep so they could come back and build back better. Everybody was so exhausted and pissed off, even the Republicans. Only Mariannette Miller-Meeks let it show.

Speaker Pelosi welcomed everybody back this morning by saying, “With respect for those who work in this Capitol and as a courtesy to my colleagues, I will be brief.” They voted and Build Back Better passed.

Now it’s on to the Senate where it better pass so we can build back better, back to the future.

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The Daily Crime Reports are being published as “quarterly reports” (three month groups) as part of “The Treason Chronicles” on Amazon for Kindle. To purchase one or more quarters, click here.

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Spike Dolomite

Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.