Shake Down

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Lindsey Graham’s resolution condemning the House Democrats’ impeachment inquiry backfired. 6 senators didn’t sign on. Now Lindsey is shaking in his go go boots.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Mitch the Bitch supported Lindsey’s resolution. In 1999 both of them supported the impeachment of Bill Clinton. Mitch voted yes on the perjury count and yes on the obstruction of justice count. Republicans tried everything they could think of to pin him with something impeachable, even murder, but at the end all they could get on him was sex, the one thing that men lie about all the time. They not only lie about not having sex with people they’ve had sex with, they lie and say they’re having sex when nobody will have sex with them. Trump’s sexcapades don’t even make it in the Top 40 countdown of impeachable offenses. Mitch and Lindsey aren’t interested in Trump’s sex life. They aren’t interested in murder either. They’re just interested in shaking down the Democrats.

2 presidents, 2 senators and the Speaker of the House will eulogize Elijah Cummings today, the first black elected official to lie in state in the US capitol. Trump won’t be among them. He’s blowing it off. Why? Because he’s mad that Elijah Cummings tried to impeach him, scared to go to Baltimore, or scared to leave the White House for fear that someone might see him shake?

A pallbearer refused to shake Mitch McConnell’s hand at Elijah Cummings state memorial service. The look on Chuck Schumer’s face was one for the history books. Mitch, you’re a dick.

“Who was ‘this brother right here’ and can I get on his mailing list?” — Cool Rick

Bill Barr has set in motion the greatest scandal in American history to cover up the greatest scandal in American history. He is having HIS Department of Justice investigate itself for investigating Trump. They’ve gone from wasting resources and firing people to fully weaponizing the DOJ to go after Trump’s political enemies — anybody who was or is involved in investigating Trump and Russia could be prosecuted. The news broke last night right before the 6 o’clock news so everybody had to shake their plans and cover that. LOOK OVER THERE!

Bill Barr won’t open an investigation into the president’s possible crimes of criminal bribery but he’ll open an investigation into who uncovered Russia’s attack on our democracy. He is going to prosecute them for doing their jobs. Message to law enforcement: Your services are no longer needed and if you dare try to do your jobs, you will be punished.

Shake, rattle and roll.

The drunken White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham has spoken! She said that anyone who is against Trump deserves to be called “human scum” by the president. Message to everyone: If you dare criticize the president you will be labeled and shunned from those who go along with the party even the really drunk ones who couldn’t for the life of them tell you how they got to the party.

Stephanie Grisham gets paid 6 figures to do nothing all day and then goes on TV to call anybody who isn’t loyal to Trump scum. Nice girl. Too bad she shakes so much. No worries. She’s still the type you can take home to Godfather.

Russian spy, Maria Butina, is getting out of jail and is headed back to Russia today. She will be escorted to Moscow by 2 ICE agents where she will no doubt be swept off by men who are loyal to Putin and never be heard from again.

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has been held in contempt of federal court for ripping people off by collecting on student loans from a defunct for profit college, Corinthian College. The judge said she “repeatedly and brazenly violated the law.” Betsy, like Trump, is shocked and is shaking her finger at the system. Since when were the filthy rich held accountable for repeatedly and brazenly violating the law? That’s what rich people do!

When asked if he would throw out the first pitch at the World Series on Sunday, Trump shook his head no. He’s afraid he’ll look fat.

John Bolton’s attorneys are talking with the impeachment inquiry committee about him coming in to testify.

Was that an earthquake? No, that was Trump shaking.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.