Shit Trump Says

Spike Dolomite
3 min readDec 21, 2019

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Speaker Pelosi invited Trump to deliver the State of the Union Address on Tuesday, Feb 4 and he accepted as if he’s still going to be president. The woman is a freaking genius. While Trump is full of himself, feeling victorious and thinking of all the things he’s going to say to make this the MAGA rally of all MAGA rallies, the Republicans are freaking out wondering how they’re going to survive this.

Trump says he knows for sure that Ukraine interfered with the US election in 2016 because Putin told him.

Trump says that there was no Armenian genocide. Where would he get an idea like that?

Trump says Melania was one of the most successful models ever even though nobody had ever heard over her before 2016.

Quitter Jeff Flake wrote an op-ed in the Washington Post saying his Republican friends in the Senate are on trial along with Trump. Yawn. He should have said that while he was still in the Senate. He wrote a book and he wants to be president. Trump says Flake won’t ever be president because Trump will be president forever.

An Iowa woman was charged with attempted murder after she ran over a 14 year old girl because she “was a Mexican.” In other words, “Trump said…….”

Former Trump Organization executive Barbara Res said that blaming someone else and making them bear the consequences for his actions is all part of Trump’s M.O. “Once he gets through this, and he probably will, he will exact revenge on a lot of people.”

Everybody is afraid of Trump because of what he might say, tweet, or do.

The investigation by the US service academies into West Point bad boy behavior has concluded. It was just a silly game. Nobody in uniform was clearly flashing the white power symbol on camera at the Army-Navy football game. Nope. Didn’t happen. Everybody saw it, they understood that it’s a prominent symbol used by white supremacists but just like their commander in chief they are denying it happened even though it was caught on camera in real time. What we saw didn’t really happen and there will be no consequences. Trump said.

Trump was pretty obsessed with getting dumped by Christianity Today. He tweeted: I guess the magazine, “Christianity Today,” is looking for Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, or those of the socialist/communist bent, to guard their religion. How about Sleepy Joe? The fact is, no President has ever done what I have done for Evangelicals, or religion itself!

Trump says he’s done more for Christianity than Jesus.

Trump was pretty obsessed with Nancy Pelosi all day, too. He tweeted: Nancy Pelosi is looking for a Quid Pro Quo with the Senate. Why aren’t we Impeaching her?

Say what?

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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