Shoot It

Spike Dolomite
3 min readJun 22, 2021

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St. Louis personal injury attorney Mark McCloskey is running for US senate using a photo of himself and his wife holding the guns that they threatened protesters with last year. The message is: It worked — I saved my castle from violent black rioters. Vote for me and I’ll make sure you can hoard as many guns as you want and wave them at black people as they walk down the street.

Marjorie Taylor Greene is raffling off guns again as part of her re-election campaign. To enter you have to give your name, email address, and zip code. This time she won’t be running unopposed so the guns are bigger and can shoot more people in a shorter amount of time.

When Lauren Boebert ran the first time, she accepted a gift of a gun from Bikers for Trump at a campaign event. She giggled and waved it around towards the crowd of about 20 people. It’s illegal to gift guns in Colorado and it’s illegal for elected officials to accept gifts valued at more than $50 but shoot! Look at how cool it is!

Democrat Mark Kelly is running to keep his seat as US Senator in Arizona but he won’t be showing off any of his guns in his campaign posters. His wife, former Congresswoman Gabby Giffords got shot in the head when she was meeting with constituents at a local grocery store in Tucson 10 years ago. 6 people were killed, including 1 child. She survived and together they have been lobbying for stricter gun laws. He’s a gun owner running on common sense.

A few months ago, Louisiana Republican Congressman Clay Higgins made a speech on the House floor regarding universal background checks. He lamented against enhanced background checks because Cain didn’t kill Abel with a gun. He blathered on about second amendment rights saying gun laws would be a “veil to conceal the violence of man born since Adam.” WTF? This is what the Democrats are up against — shoot ’em up idiots without any common sense.

Comedian Seth Meyers has more common sense that the Republicans in both the House and Senate combined. He says that sociopaths with outsized power is why we can’t get gun safety laws.

God, guns, abortion, god, guns, abortion, god, guns, abortion. It’s all the repugs have got. It’s gotten old and stale so they’ve thrown something new into their brew to give it some flavor……voter fraud! It still tastes the same.

In the past 50 years in America, there have been 1,500 confirmed cases of voter fraud (out of 3.5 billion votes) and 1.5 million deaths from guns yet the repugs are focused on restricting access to voting and increasing access to guns.

Didn’t Obama already take everybody’s guns away? The repugs said he would.

“Someone should start a nonprofit to gift assault guns to African Americans and Hispanics in Texas. Let’s see what kind of legislation comes out of that.” — David B. Landes

Capitol Hill rioter Pauline Bauer has no lawyer but says she is not representing herself in court. She says she’s a sovereign citizen and is “here in a divine special appearance.” She’s insane and the repugs want to protect her right to fill her house with guns.

MAGA attorneys in Michigan are in deep shit. A federal judge wants everyone whose name was on court filings seeking to overturn Michigan’s presidential election results in the “Kraken” suit to show up to court for a sanctions hearing on July 6. You guys really shot yourselves in the foot this time.

The Senate is assembled to begin the process of voting on the For the People Act to determine whether or not the federal government will protect the voting rights of all Americans. The Republicans are expected to shoot it down.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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