Shot to Hell

Spike Dolomite
4 min readDec 5, 2022

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Domestic terrorists shot up three substations in order to stop a drag show in North Carolina which put 40,000 people out of power during winter. A hospital lost power. People with their own wells went without water because their pumps wouldn’t work. Pharmacies had to move medications to households that had generators with working refrigerators. Food spoiled. There was chaos in the streets because traffic lights went down at intersections. All of that because a group of homophobic domestic terrorists wanted to terrorize some entertainers and their audience. The media and law enforcement aren’t calling them terrorists, even though their actions targeted a specific group and impacted an entire community. They’re calling them “vandals” because they’re white. If they weren’t white, they’d be terrorists. White people are still calling the shots, even if they’re terrorists.

The Supreme Court will hear a case today brought by a Christian graphic artist in Colorado who objects to designing wedding websites for gay couples, two weeks after someone who worships Republican Jesus shot up a gay nightclub in Colorado Springs, the city where the headquarters of the Christian hate group, Focus on the Family is located. Like domestic terrorists not being called domestic terrorists because they’re white, she’s not being called a homophobic Christian nationalist. She’s just a church lady. Don’t take a shot at the demure, virginal, pious church lady. She’s “special.”

Speaking of hateful Christians, Nick Fuentes has turned on Marjorie Taylor Greene. He says she can’t be the face of Christian nationalism because she is an adulterer and soon-to-be divorcee. He’s telling his followers to heckle her at events. He started a food fight in an In-N-Out Burger in Los Angeles because someone there called him out for being a dick. He threw his soda at the truth tellers. Cheap shot. He should know better than to take his game into a big blue city like L.A. Loud mouths are outgunned in red states, but in blue states, they’re outsmarted.

Nick Fuentes is a 24 year old virgin. He’s a virgin not because he’s saving himself for his pure as snow Christian bride who is saving herself for him but because he can’t get laid. Is that because women don’t want to have anything to do with him or because he doesn’t want to have anything to do with women?

Homophobes who are always taking shots at gay people are afraid of getting shot themselves. That’s why they shoot up substations and gay bars.

Chris Christie’s 25 year old niece, Shannon Epstein, got kicked off a plane after she accused Hispanic passengers of being drug dealers. After referring to an entire family as “drug mules” she was asked to deplane. She refused so she got arrested. She pulled the white privileged “don’t you know who I am” card by threatening everyone with her big guns — her powerful connections. Her uncle is friends with Trump! You’ll all regret this! She injured six deputies. She bit one on the arm and broke the skin, spit at all of them, and kicked one in the nuts. She was charged with 6 counts of assaulting police officers and is out on bond. Nobody put her in an 8 minute choke hold or shot her in the back because they knew who she was before they knew who she was — white. She should be martyred by Fox News and offered an internship in Marjorie Taylor Greene’s office by the end of the week.

Nazi Nick Fuentes, White Brat Shannon Epstein, and Congressboy Madison Cawthorn may have all been born during the Z generation, but they’re not Gen Z. They’re Gen F — fail, flunk, farce, fuckup, foul, fraud, and freak.

63% of voters aged 18 to 29 voted for Democrats in the midterms. Gen F’ers (27%) voted for Republicans. 4 million people turn 18 every year. That’s 8 million more eligible voters for the 2024 presidential election. Conversely, 2.5 million people over the age of 65 die every year. That’s 5 million less eligible voters, most of whom vote Republican. The Republicans have done shot themselves in the foot by pandering to old white people for so long. They’re dying off!

Sun Valley High School students in North Carolina were scared to death when their teachers locked doors, turned off lights, and told them all to hide. The cops were out in the hall. Kids sent panicked goodbyes to their parents and prepared to be shot. Turns out it was a surprise active shooter drill — a “spontaneous lockdown.⁠” Gen Z is traumatized. Their nerves are shot. Republicans did this to them and they know it. They’re coming for them in 2024.

Trump says he wants to terminate the Constitution now. That would eliminate the Republicans’ favorite amendment, the Second Amendment, the only amendment MAGAs know. Mr. Big Shot Trump is gunning for their guns.

Speaking of Second Amendment big shots, a man in Georgia shot a 15 year old kid in the leg who had rung his doorbell to campaign for Raphael Warnock.

The runoff is tomorrow. Republicans in Georgia will be doing shots all day at the Shot in the Dark Saloon, waiting for the drag show to begin.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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