Show Us Your Boobs!

Spike Dolomite
5 min readAug 25, 2020

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Junior’s girlfriend and Trump’s fundraiser, Kimberly Gulliblefoiled, praises Trump so loud to an empty room she could be heard out on the street. “I am a proud first generation American!” Her mom is from Puerto Rico which is part of America.

Opening day of the RNC was…..to use one of Trump’s overused words…..a disaster. Trump crashed the start earlier in the day because he can’t help himself. Here I am. It’s ME!!!!!! I am the Republican Party! This is my convention! The psychophants in the room shouted “four more years!” Trump said, “If you want to really drive them crazy, you’ll say ’12 more years’”. When he mentioned Obama one of them cried out, “monkey!” Trump laughed.

2 hours before the RNC Pageant of Freaks started, Trump tweeted bullshit from Breitbart claiming 20,000 unverified absentee ballots were counted in the Detroit primary.

The convention should have given Republicans a chance to present their plans for the next 4 years to the American people but there isn’t a Republican party anymore. Earlier in the day 26 Republicans endorsed Joe Biden. One was former US Senator Jeff Flake. The other was the former chair of the RNC, Michael Steele. The Republican National Convention is nothing more than 4 nights of open mic for the Not Ready for Prime Time Run Amok Power Players where “friends” and “family” take turns airing Trump’s grievances and bashing on the Democrats after snorting coke.

Charlie Kirk kicked it off with, “President Trump is the bodyguard of Western civilization. President Trump was elected to defend the American Way of Life.” He talked about how selfless Trump was because he put his life of luxury on hold. No he didn’t. He got the government to pay for it.

Matt Gaetz said that Democrats will “disarm you, empty the prisons, lock you in your home and invite MS-13 to live next door.”

RNC Chair, Ronna McDaniel, tried to present herself as an ordinary housewife with her speech. Then she hit all of the talking points. Abortion! Killing newborns! Raise taxes! Socialism! Tucker Carlson cut away while she was talking so his Fox News audience wouldn’t lose their boners because of the ordinary housewife thing. Plus Ronna didn’t show any cleavage. The women on Fox always show a little boob. No boob. No vote.

What was on full display last night was un-American. Today’s GOP is an authoritarian personality cult. No principles. No ideals. No goals or plans. Just staying in power.

“Trump didn’t want a platform because he thought he’d have to walk down a ramp.” — Ken Olin

While the Cult of Personality Shit Show was going on, news broke that the New York Attorney General filed a lawsuit against the Trump Organization, Eric Trump, and others for funny business and the financing of 4 Trump properties. Eric Trump won’t comply with subpoenas and is pleading the 5th.

It wasn’t a good day for Trump’s postmaster crime boss. He had to testify before the House Oversight Committee. He was asked to explain the dead animals, rotting food, ashes of human remains getting lost, prescriptions and security checks not getting to people, and empty trucks going out. He didn’t know how much it cost to mail a postcard when asked. Democrat from Maryland Stephen Lynch showed his disgust by saying, “As a member of this August committee I’m supposed to ask you a question. In my heart, I’m tempted to ask, after 240 years of patriotic service delivering the mail, how can one person screw this up in just a few weeks?’ Now, I understand you bring private sector expertise. I guess we couldn’t find a government worker who could screw it up this fast. It would take them a while. The president is running this Post Office like a business, like he said. He’s running it into the ground, as he has declared bankruptcy a few times on his own businesses.”

Dumb jock Gym Jordan, who seems to be everywhere these days in the hopes that he’ll be voted “Most likely to succeed” in the Cult of Personality, gave the game away by saying out loud that Trump’s people will vote at the polls and after Trump declares victory on election night he will claim that the Democrats are stealing the election as the mailed votes get counted. He said this was a “giant conspiracy.” 34 mail sorting machines have been removed in his home state of Ohio.

CNN anchor Brian Stelter has a new book coming out today about Trump and Fox, called Hoax. In it he talks about how Trump admitted to Judge Andrew Napolitano that everything he knows about the Constitution he learned from him and Fox & Friends. The judge was both flattered and horrified at the same time. They all know how crazy, dangerous and stupid he is. They use him as much as he uses them. Both Fox and the Trump administration are in chaos, winging it and out of control and don’t know how to stop the crazy train so they’ll just wait until it crashes and hope they don’t die.

Miles Taylor, the former chief of staff at the Department of Homeland Security in the Trump administration who endorsed Joe Biden last week, has started a group of current and former administration officials who want Trump defeated.

57% of Republicans say 180,000 dead from the Democratic Hoax is acceptable.

It’s Day 2 of the Cult of Personality Freak Show. They’ve got nothing except their worn out talking points that have run their course. The “radical left” is old and over used just like the GOP base.

Show us your boobs!

70 days until we get to vote.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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