Smile! You’re on Dick Chat

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMay 4, 2019

Trump called Putin and they talked and giggled for an hour and a half about the Mueller Report. Trump reassured his BFF that it was all a hoax and it’s finally over. Putin smiled (at least that’s what Trump said even though it wasn’t a video chat.) Trump made a strong man smile. He smiled! Congress doesn’t have a copy of the unredacted Mueller Report but Trump called Russia about the Mueller Report, to brief them. The president of the United States called the leader of a sworn hostile enemy, the subject of the Mueller Report to say, “It’s cool.”

There is no read out of the call, we’ll all just have to take Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ word for it but we can’t because she lies to the press and should be in prison. Smile! You’re on Visitor Jail Chat!

“Trump calling Putin was a power play by an emboldened authoritarian who feels that he can get away with anything because so far he has gotten away with everything.” — Ryan Knight

Jerry Nadler told Bill Barr that he has until Monday at 9 am to give him the unredacted report or he will be held in contempt. Bill Barr and Trump may not care, but the Constitution does.

Smile! You’re on Jerry’s Got That Chat!

Lindsey Graham very stupidly wrote Bob Mueller a letter asking him if he disputed a conversation he had with Bill Barr. Lindsey Graham needs his own lawyer. Smile, Lindsey. Come on. Do it for Trump.

What happens to the traitors who join Trump’s crime family and are later kicked to the curb, shunned and disgraced? They go lower and find jobs in the underworld like John Kelly just did. He took a job sitting on the board of Caliburn International, a company that builds and maintains child concentration camps (Trump’s politically correct term is “shelters for unaccompanied minors.”) He’s gone from being the architect of Trump’s child separation policy to making money off of it. Wipe that smile off of your face you fucking traitor.

Once Trump has had enough of Sarah Huckabee Sanders, she can do a TV show with her dad on Fox, The Smiling Huckabee Family Hour Variety Show, and do sketches and sing songs with Kill the Gays Mike Pence, Finger Lickin’ Good Mitch McConnell, On Your Knees Kellyanne Conjob, and Chatty Dick James Woods. Paul Ryan can serve as producer. He needs something to do and he’s good and putting bullshit together.

Has Been Hollywood actor James Woods got banned from Twitter. Trump is sad. Smile, Dick.

Trump is spending $20 Billion on an aircraft carrier. The Navy wanted that money for cyber security. If the Dems don’t stop him soon he’ll brand it with TRUMP and lay claim to the entire Atlantic Ocean. From sea to shining sea….ALL MINE!

Meanwhile in Florida, 4 white half wits with bad skin were arrested for assaulting a man and tattooing “Fuck you niger” on his neck.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: We’re smack dab in the middle of a constitutional crisis, dangling over a cliff and the Republicans are SILENT.

Smiling, dangerous, devious, treacherous, silent.

White House counsel Emmett Flood sent Bill Barr a letter with a smiley face that said Trump can do whatever he wants.

Trump wants the Department of Justice to investigate Joe Biden. The president wants to investigate a political rival. That’s what dictators do.

The House Intelligence Committee, led by Adam Schiff, has hired 6 full time staffers to investigate Trump. One is a former FBI financial crimes chief, 3 are former assistant US attorneys and one is an investigator who speaks Russian.

“Barr misled the country about an investigation implicating the President. Then he lied to Congress. Then he did something worse: He effectively said that the President of the United States is above the law. That makes him the second most dangerous man in America. He must go.” — Adam Schiff

On this day in 1970, the Ohio National Guard opened fire on Vietnam protesters on the Kent State University campus, killing 4 and injuring 9. The country was divided over the war. Conservative parents disowned their liberal children and there was violence in the streets.

Mike Pence made a speech on the White House lawn and said that Trump has made it possible for people never to be persecuted for their religious beliefs again. He smiled a Cheshire cat smile. He wasn’t talking to the Muslims.

Smile, Mike Pence. You’re on Dick Chat.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.