Snooze Alarm

Spike Dolomite
3 min readApr 16, 2024

The second day of Trump’s criminal trial has begun. Judge Merchan refers to him as “Mister Donald Trump” which pisses Trump off. His lawyers refer to him as President Trump.

After lunch yesterday Trump fell asleep at the counsel table which was all anybody could talk about. People came up with new names for him like “Sleepy Don” and “Don Snoreleone.” He denies snoozing, of course. The irony of Trump falling asleep during a trial where his freedom is at stake is that he is campaigning on Biden being too old to run again. He calls him “Sleepy Joe” at his MAGA rallies.

While Trump was sleeping Joe Biden was wide awake in the situation room. Iran attacked Israel and now he’s got to deal with that.

Why did Trump fall asleep during the first day of his criminal trial? Is he not sleeping at night because he’s so stressed out about possibly going to jail or was it a Ritalin crash? Maybe he took too many anxiety meds. Ronny Jackson, AKA Dr. Feel Good, could have slipped him the good stuff. Or maybe it was just Grandpa’s normal nap time.

So Don Snoreleone got caught taking a white power nap. Where’s that pillow guy when you really need him?

Watch him fake some sort of illness as a last desperate, pathetic attempt to get out of this. What disease will he say he has? It can’t be anything to make him less tough and manly. That’s his thing. He could say he got Mononucleosis from the Black fan who kissed him at Chick-filet. It’s the black chick’s fault he fell asleep in court. Or maybe he could say he’s about to launch a new product, “Trump’s Dozey Dose” an herbal sleep aid to make some fast cash. It works so good you’ll fall asleep in court.

He tried buying himself a little more time by asking to be excused so he could attend a hearing at the Supreme Court so he can hear arguments for his presidential immunity case. Judge said no. He asked for time off to attend Barron’s graduation which is ironic as he’s never attended a graduation for any of his kids plus this case is about him getting it on with a porn actress while Barron was just a few days old at home with his mother, Trump’s third wife.

Trump had called upon his cult followers to show up for him to show the world that he’s still king of the world but only a couple dozen showed up. There were cops everywhere outside of the court house just in case but they just stood around looking bored. Trump is back in town. Whoop-dee-do. Same thing happened in Fulton County and Miami. No big crowds which is a really good sign that Trump’s grip on the country has loosened considerably.

The other good sign is that Trump was brought to trial without incident and that he’s being treated like any other defendant. He’s not getting any special treatment.

An actual criminal case is moving forward for a former president and one of the most famous people in the world. Accountability is here. He couldn’t hide out somewhere or protect himself with his own army like he could in some other countries. He has secret service but they escorted him to court. The American system of justice is working in New York. One of the most powerful people in the world is facing justice in the same system that tries ordinary unknowns. He’s sitting at the same table and in the same chair as the cringiest criminals of New York.

The photo of Trump sitting at the defense table on his first day of his trial really accentuates his clownishness. It’s a photo for the history books. His face is caked with orange tinted bronzer but his tiny hands folded in front of him are not. They’re bright white. As white as the sheep he counts at night to fall asleep after counting them at his rallies then multiplying by ten.

Button mushrooms are white. Google “Stormy Daniels mushroom.”

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.