Somebody is Watching

Spike Dolomite
4 min readNov 12, 2019

Trump made his Veterans Day speech in New York behind bullet proof glass looking like a big baby in a time out in a hockey penalty box. He wore a bullet proof vest. Garbage trucks were parked end to end all around the park to keep people from getting near him except for the veterans he invited to serve as extras in his Vote for Me 2020 commercial. New Yorkers wanted to boo him but they couldn’t penetrate the trash that surrounded him. All around the watch tower there was waste and refuse everywhere.

Democratic US Senator Tammy Duckworth, who lost both legs serving in Iraq, spent Veteran’s Day with US vets who had been deported by Trump to Mexico. Many of them had signed up for the military after George W. Bush told them that they could get a fast track to citizenship if they served, only to be tossed around by our dysfunctional immigration system and now they find themselves sitting in Tijuana with nobody but Tammy Duckworth watching out for them.

Trump made history again! He’s the first president to have never achieved majority approval. Not only that, he’s got the lowest average approval rating on record! Go Trump! No really, GO.

The parents of the teenager who was killed by a US diplomat’s wife say that Trump offered to pay them off. “Toward the end of the meeting, Trump intimated that he had Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin ‘standing by ready to write a check.’”

In Aryan Nation northern Idaho, someone has been watching smart people in the public library. They’ve been hiding books about gun control, women’s rights, LGBTQ issues, the fucked up American criminal justice system, and anything critical of Trump. The library used to keep those books in a locked glass case, away from the other books, but then a new librarian came along and said that those books belonged on the shelves with all the other books because you know, it’s a PUBLIC LIBRARY……a first amendment thing. The skin heads didn’t move all the way up there to be confronted with different points of view so it’s censorship and symbolic book burning for private Idaho and if you don’t like it you can move to California.

Trump’s personal attorney, Michael Cohen, is in jail. Trump’s campaign manager, Paul Manafort, is in jail. Trump’s “adviser”, Roger Stone, is on trial. Trump’s national security adviser, Michael Flynn, is awaiting sentencing. Trump’s other personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani, is under FBI investigation. Trump himself is facing impeachment. Still, there are a group of people who not only support everything Trump does, but they believe that everything can be explained by the deep state. Somebody is watching them. In other words, they’re fucking nuts.

Public impeachment hearings start at 10 am tomorrow. Invite people over for coffee and danish. This will be like watching the moon landing with your neighbors but way scarier. Don’t invite any Q-anon deep state weirdos, though. They’re hopeless. They’ll eat all the danish, talk throughout the whole thing, and eventually accuse you of trying to poison them.

The White House is in chaos. Watch out! People are fighting with each other. Watch out! Nobody knows what’s going on. Watch out! There isn’t anybody who is really in charge. Watch out! The Republicans are frantically trying to remake the impeachment hearings into a Hunter Biden trial. Trump is totally losing it and tweeting his guts out. Tweeters are dogging him right back which amuses the other tweeters. There’s never anything good on TV so might as well watch Trump get pummelled on Twitter.

“dude. you confessed. on live television. your Manic Bug-Eyed Free TV Lawyer™ confessed. on live television. your sweaty unctuous chief of staff confessed. on live television. let’s face it, you guys are not very good at hiding your greasy crimes. enjoy impeachment, homeslice” — Jeff Tiedrich

All of the major networks will be airing the hearings. That’s going to interfere with the average American zombie’s regularly scheduled programming. That’s OK. It’s the only way to get through to them. If they don’t watch it on TV, it doesn’t happen at all. Nobody knows that better than Trump, America’s first (and last) reality TV president.

Mike Pence will be watching. He’ll be waiting in the wings.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.