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Something Smells

4 min readJul 1, 2025

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Senators stayed up all night debating Trump’s 940 page “big beautiful bill” which would be a disaster for the poor and lower middle class. The Republicans want to stick it to the poor so they’ll just starve to death and blow away. The Democrats fought Republicans so they wouldn’t get away with it. Chris Murphy said, “This is the most deeply immoral piece of legislation I have ever voted on in my entire time in Congress.” They finally got to where they voted, JD Vance breaking the tie and Lisa Murkowski selling out the rest of the America by voting yes if the residents of her state didn’t get screwed like everybody else. Her people are exempt.

The bill would end benefits for the Affordable Care Act, throwing 17 million people off their health insurance. It adds $3.9 trillion to the national debt. 15–16 million will lose Medicaid. 500 nursing homes and 300 hospitals will shut down. 3 million will lose SNAP benefits and will either have to beg for food or go without. 40 million will face higher grocery bills. Energy bills will be as much as $400 more. It would raise taxes on nearly 100 million families by $1,000 on average — while the top 0.1% would will get $400,000 in tax breaks. 2/3 of the country rejects this bill, and it’s more by the day, but the Republicans don’t care. The bill is on it’s way back to the House for revision where it will take forever to do nothing.

North Carolina Senator Thom Tillis did the right thing. He voted no before announcing he was retiring.

Trump’s new budget bill gives more money to ICE than the Marines. If the bill passes the way Trump wants it to, it would give ICE enough money to become, by 2029, the nation’s largest federal interior law enforcement agency with enough funding to become the nation’s largest jailer.

13 people have died in ICE custody since January.

Tom Homan, Director of Homeland Security, wants to set up an 800 number for people to turn undocumented people in. He can’t live with his family right now because he receives so many death threats. When asked about a 75-year old Cuban man who had been in the US since he was a teenager and died in ICE custody, he just shrugged and said, “I mean, people die in ICE custody.” No big deal.

ICE is holding around 59,000 detainees in facilities across the country, a likely record high.

Trump is revoking temporary protective status to 500,000 Haitians. They’ll all be deported to Haiti by September.

An Iranian woman who has lived in the US for 47 years, has no criminal record, and is married to a US citizen was detained by ICE as she was gardening outside her home in New Orleans.

The Supreme Court granted Trump’s emergency request, allowing him to fast-track the deportation of migrants to third countries, including unstable regions like South Sudan, with little to no warning.

Trump attended the opening of “Alligator Alcatraz” — an immigrant tent city that was purposely built (in one week) on an abandoned airfield in the middle of the Florida Everglades because it’s surrounded by alligators and pythons to deter people from fleeing. Camp was set up in one week by Ron DeSantis. He flattered Trump by calling it Alcatraz since Trump wants to re-open Alcatraz because he saw the movie. If he can’t do that, an Alcatraz on the east coast is good enough.

A MAGA shot at fire fighters as they arrived to put out a fire in Idaho, killing two. His parents are MAGA who have proudly posted a photo of themselves in front of the White House, both wearing MAGA hats.

Trump is selling his own Trump Eau de toilette. $199 for men and $249 for women. If you want to smell like Trump get it today at gettrumpfragrances.com. This is for real. Side hustles are forbidden in the Constitution in Article II, Section 1, Clause 8, but here we are. Trump is making toilet water. And people are buying it.

Governor Gavin Newsom is suing Fox News for $787 million for defamation — the same amount they had to pay Dominion. He also announced that he wants the National Guard out of California by posting it on social media, just like Trump would: “Trump is pulling our troops from fighting wildfires and combatting fentanyl trafficking to use them as props for his cable TV obsession. End the political theater and return control of our National Guard to California, Donald J. Trump.” He even ended his post the way Trump “signs” his.

The murder of a Democratic legislator, her husband, and pet dog fell out of the headlines pretty quick. We’re over the political assassination and on to the next thing. When Luigi shot a CEO we heard about it for weeks.

Jeff Bezos took over Venice, Italy to get married costing guests millions to attend. Something really stinks.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.