Son of a Bitch

Spike Dolomite
5 min readDec 11, 2020

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That son of a bitch is naked, stomping around the White House destroying all the furniture and peeing on the floor while the Republicans chant, “Four more years!”

18 attorneys general have abused their power and exploited taxpayer resources by signing on to a case where states should be able to take votes away from citizens of other states and ask the Supreme Court to overturn elections. 106 Republican sons of bitches in Congress signed on as well.

“I hope there’s a roll-call vote. It will be a monument to the collapse of the Republican Party and a case study for generations to come on the crisis of American democracy brought about by a bunch of seditious cowards who were afraid of a mentally ill real estate huckster.” — Tom Nichols

Federal agents have served the attorney general leading the charge for 18 states to overturn the election, Ken Paxton of Texas, for records. He’s under FBI investigation. He’s also under indictment on state charges as well. He’s a real SOB and he’s looking for a pardon. That’s why he’s leading the charge. He got invited to the White House last night, and got to stroke Trump and tell him that he’s the person of the year.

Time magazine has named Joe Biden and Kamala Harris their “Person of the Year.” This will enrage Trump so much that he’ll spend the rest of the year blowing more stuff up to sabotage Biden’s chance of having any success at cleaning up the rubble.

Breaking! The president doesn’t have anything on his schedule today! He’ll just tweet, watch TV and feed his fat ugly lying face all day, like he does every day. The day began with this tweet: Now that the Biden Administration will be a scandal plagued mess for years to come, it is much easier for the Supreme Court of the United States to follow the Constitution and do what everybody knows has to be done. They must show great Courage & Wisdom. Save the USA!!!

Scandal plagued mess?

Well it’s confirmed. New Hampshire Speaker Dick Hinch died of the coronavirus. He exposed everybody at the swearing in ceremony. He wore a mask but it didn’t cover his nose. Half assed and half masked. Most of the Democrats didn’t show up to the ceremony because they found out that some Republicans tested positive after an indoor caucus meeting on Nov 20 so they stayed clear. Only one Republican had the guts to speak the truth (in an email to the Associated Press,) retired doctor Representative William Marsh - “I believe the peer pressure exerted by those in the Republican Party who refuse to take reasonable precautions is the ultimate cause of Speaker Hinch’s passing.”

Meanwhile over in Tennessee, another Republican state represenative caved to peer pressure and is now begging for his life. David Byrd supported a House resolution that says the “mainstream media has sensationalized the reporting on #COVID19 in the service of political agendas.” Now he’s got the Trump Plague and in the ICU praying to Republican Jesus for a miracle.

Rudy is out of the hospital and bragging about he got the celebrity treatment for the coronavirus, the antibody cocktail, medical care that is not available to anyone else except Trump and his son of a bitch friends. It’s so rare that states have to ration it, rank patients, or use a lottery system for anyone to benefit from it. 3067 people died yesterday who didn’t get the celebrity treatment.

The Trump administration executed a 40 year old black man yesterday, Brandon Bernard, who was convicted of murder when he was 18. Trump resurrected the federal death penalty so he could exact revenge on strangers by legally killing them. He’s the first president to put anyone to death in 17 years and he’s the first president in 124 years to execute someone after losing an election. He’s got 5 more state sanctioned murders to go, including 1 mentally ill woman. The rest are black men. SOB MAGAs love it. Kill them! Kill them!

MAGAs cheered when 17 year old Kyle Rittenhouse killed 2 and injured another and then paid for his bail. Will he be executed when he’s 40 or will that shitty little son of a bitch walk because he’s white and has a huge fan club?

While the media is covering the coronavirus, the vaccine, and Trump trying to overturn the election, Fox is covering Hunter Biden.

“The reason I don’t give a shit about Hunter Biden’s taxes is that in a normal presidency, the president’s son doesn’t get a fucking job.” — Mikel Jollett

The media needs to show people hooked up to ventilators in ICUs, being wheeled off to the morgue, and families grieving every night on TV like it did soldiers and civilians being killed in Vietnam to end the sanitization and mass denial of this horrible plague. People need their faces rubbed in reality instead of being mildly interrupted or inconvenienced by death tolls that a bunch of people ignore or don’t even believe.

The Manhattan district attorney’s office is amping up its investigation of that son of a bitch. Prosecutors just finished interviewing employees of Trump’s bank and insurance brokerage. This is a sign that once he walks out of the White House he could be arrested and face criminal charges.

40 more days until New York can arrest that son of a bitch.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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