Spill the Beans

Spike Dolomite
5 min readJul 15, 2020

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Yesterday was a punch in the face kind of day, all day. In the morning Trump did an interview with CBS where he spilled the racist beans about black lives not mattering when he said cops kill white people too — “So are white people. So are white people. What a terrible question to ask. So are white people, More white people, by the way. More white people.” When asked if he understood why the confederate flag is a painful symbol because it’s a reminder of slavery he said it’s just freedom of speech, “Well people love it and I don’t view — I know people that like the confederate flag and they’re not thinking about slavery.” When the subject turned to the Trump Plague, he gave a straight up incoherent answer when asked about parents who feel it’s unsafe to send their kids back to school, “You should find yourself a new person whoever’s in charge because children and parents are dying from that trauma, too. They’re dying because they can’t do what they’re doing.” Say what?

Later in the day he summoned the White House press corps to the Rose Garden where they thought he was going to talk about China. They were called there to be his audience for a campaign speech which is illegal. You can’t campaign on federal property. He went on a crazy, run on rant about Joe Biden, saying bat shit crazy stuff like he was anti-windows, wanted to abolish the suburbs, has a platform that is further right than Bernie Sanders’, and has never done anything in his 47 year career in Washington but make bad decisions. Then he bragged about a boat parade in his honor and criticized Mexico for not doing a better job with the coronavirus. CNN’s Jim Acosta said the whole thing was a bait and switch. “We’re down to Kool-Aid drinkers and next of kin in the White House,” Acosta said.

The day ended with Trump announcing that hospitals will be required from now on to give their coronavirus data to the bean counters at Health and Human Services (HHS) instead of the Center for Disease Control (CDC)because that way he can control the information that is given to the public so he can make it look like the numbers are going down so he can win re-election.

If Trump was smart, which he isn’t, he’d look at Florida for how well lying about its data is working. It hasn’t made the pandemic go away. It’s made it worse. A Floridian is dying every 11 minutes from the coronavirus. 4,409 people are dead because Governor Ron DeSantis wants Trump to like him.

Mike Pence flew to Louisiana to give the state a pep talk about not listening to the CDC and reopening schools. The AG was supposed to greet him on the tarmac but he couldn’t because he tested positive.

Louisiana’s US Senator John Kennedy says people who use children as political pawns should “kiss my ass.” He’s full of beans. Stay away from his ass.

Trump tweeted: Joe Biden claims to be prioritizing ‘safety of kids’ by keeping schools closed this Fall. Yet he remains silent about children being slaughtered by violence on the streets of Democrat run cities. You & your children won’t be SAFE in Biden’s America, and neither will anyone else!

71% of parents say “NO WAY” to sending their kids back to school in the fall.

Large public events such as parades, concerts, fairs and block parties will be banned in Philadelphia through the end of February.

The GOP is still proceeding with it’s plans to have its convention but they’ve decided to hold it outside. In August. In Florida.

The Canadian border will remain closed to travel until at least August 21 because America is a shithole country and they don’t want us spreading disease.

Jeff Sessions lost his bid in the Alabama primary race to Trump’s pick, Tubby Tuba. Sessions was the first senator to endorse him and was rewarded by being appointed Attorney General. He created the child separation policy at the border which pleased Trump but when he followed the advice of DOJ ethics lawyers, he was fired and hung by the balls in the public square so that all other Republican senators would would think twice about crossing Trump. It worked. None of them have wanted to suffer Trump’s wrath so they compliment him on his new clothes even though the whole world can see that he is a batshit crazy dangerous naked sociopathic bean bag with a hole in it.

Trump is pandering to the Latin vote by having Ivanka pose with a can of Goya black beans on the day that she unveiled her new campaign, “Find Something New.” They did this because the CEO of Goya praised Trump on camera in the Rose Garden the other day when he made an unsuccessful attempt at pandering to the Hipsanic community which caused a huge internet public boycott off Goya products.

A member of the Trump administration used her position to not only promote a product, but to promote a product with a Hispanic market. The Trumps have spilled the Mexican jumping beans.

“Trump’s amended racist remark: They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, sell GREAT BEANS.” — Buddy Winston

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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