Roger Stone pled not guilty. He told the press that he was practically lynched by the FBI. Lynched? No, you weirdo pin head aging swinger. Proud black gay actor, Jussie Smollett, was nearly lynched when he went to get a sandwich at a Subway in Chicago late at night. 2 white guys called him a faggot and a nigger, beat him up, poured bleach on him and put a noose around his neck, then yelled, “This is MAGA country!’” He’s got a broken rib but he’ll be OK. The MAGAs and their leader must be stopped.

Stacey Abrams will deliver the rebuttal to whatever bullshit Trump barfs up at the State of the Union address next week. Americans are encouraged to watch it with the sound off just so they can watch Nancy Pelosi’s face the whole time and then turn the sound back on when the highly educated, extremely qualified black female former gubernatorial candidate who got ripped off by voter suppression looks into the camera and speaks truth to power. Full stop.

Nobody had ever heard of Howard Schultz until a few days ago and already everybody hates his guts. He’s a white billionaire who doesn’t want to be taxed. He says he’s no longer a Democrat because he doesn’t want Medicare for all, free college, a job for anyone who wants one, or a chicken in every pot because that would “bankrupt the nation.” That’s a Republican talking point. He doesn’t want to be taxed. That’s all. Oh and his ego is as big as his net worth so therefore he thinks he not only should be president, he’s entitled to it. Been there done that (or shit, we’re not done with that yet? Somebody stop them!)

No one actually earns a billion dollars. This has got to stop.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: The Republicans have rejected a bill to give back pay to federal contractors but they are all in favor of permanently repealing the federal estate tax. They’re working their way to the rich not being taxed at all so the rich can have it all just like they did right before the Great Depression. It wasn’t until FDR taxed them that things got better for everybody in America. The rich didn’t feel a thing because they had so much to begin with.

It’s FDR’s birthday today. FDR stopped the rich.

Self proclaimed new age guru, Marianne Williamson, is running for president. Light and love! Light and love! Close your eyes and imagine that America isn’t a sitting duck and that the whole world loves and trusts us.

Stop it!

Republicans are all up in arms because Arizona senator Kyrsten Sinema showed up on the Senate floor wearing a dress and thigh high boots. They would like her to stop with the inappropriate attire.

Melania Trump did soft porn. Republicans have yet to be up in arms about that.

Kyrsten’s boots were made for walking on the Senate floor. Melania’s boots are on the floor.

After John Bolton’s notepad with the words “5,000 troops to Colombia” was photographed and shared, Congressman Ted Lieu trolled him on Twitter by posting a photo of himself making a selection at a vending machine, holding a yellow pad with the words “5,000 documents subpoenaed by house judiciary” with the caption, “Getting a snack.”

Oh stop, Ted! We’re gonna pee our pants from laughing so hard. Ted Lieu will go down in history for using the truth to make us laugh during the worst time in American history.

Steve Bannon is going to be in a new documentary. He says he didn’t really enjoy his time in the White House but he did it for the Lord.

Stop it.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.