Straight Outta Trumptown

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJan 17, 2018


While Racist Trump hosted another dictator at the White House, he put on a little show for the media where he echoed the same old daily talking points about the stock market but threw in some bullshit about black employment being the best it’s ever been in history. “Thank you everybody now get out.”

A white male talking head on cable news actually said that black and brown people are going to vote for Trump in 2020 because they are loving what he’s doing for the stock market. A black female talking head responded with, “Black and brown people want him OUT. They just want to see him impeached.”

The Black Caucus knows how racist Trump is. They’ve been watching him for decades, ever since he used his money and influence to call for the execution of 5 black and latino teenagers for raping a white jogger. Dubbed “The Central Park Five”, Trump spent $85,000 in ads in New York City newspapers calling for the death penalty -“Muggers and murderers should be forced to suffer.” In an editorial he wrote, he said the rapists had criminal pasts. They were 14, 15, and 16 years old. They had no criminal records. Nevertheless, they all went to jail for 8 to 13 years. After the real rapist confessed and DNA proved them all innocent, Trump maintained that they were all guilty. They were black and brown teenagers straight outta Harlem so of course they were guilty.

Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen, who oversees immigration enforcement, admitted under oath that she has not met with any Dreamers. She got her white smart ass handed to her in the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing when she tried to cover for Racist Trump’s pasty white ass. When she said that Racist Trump wanted immigrants from Norway because of their skill, Senator Patrick Leahy said, “Being from Norway is not a skill, and with the standard of living in Norway better than ours you’re not going to have many people from there.” Trump wants them because they’re white. Senator Cory Booker ripped the cocky sycophant a new one when he told her, “When ignorance and bigotry is allied with power, it is a dangerous force in our country. Your silence and your amnesia is complicity!” NOW GET OUT!

The Homeland Security Secretary also said, under oath, that she doesn’t know if Norway is predominantly white. Everybody knows that Norway is predominately white. She rolled her eyes at Cory Booker, a United States Senator, a black man.

Kirstjen Nielsen, where are you from? America. No, where are you from? Florida. No, no, no. Where are your people from? Go back to Norway, Kirstjen Nielsen!

Steve Bannon appeared before the intelligence committee. He brushed his hair for the occasion. He spent 9 hours saying nothing. The White House put a gag order on him so the committee slapped a subpoena on him right then and there. That’s another new one. Nobody has ever been hit with a subpoena while testifying. Here’s a subpoena, you douche, now get the hell out and come back later and you better talk or else.

Trump talked to the Women of America panel at the White House. What were they thinking? Get the fuck out of here you misogynistic lying pig. I can’t wait to march on Saturday you fat son of a bitch because we’re going to march you straight out of Washington.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Lindsey Graham is rumored to be gay. So what. You can come out now, Lindsey. Nobody cares.

Paul Ryan says the drivers of the debt are entitlements. Social Security has nothing to do with the debt. It’s self supporting. They’re not entitlements. They’re earned benefits. Old people and smart people get it. Dumb people don’t. Paul Ryan: You will be voted OUT in November 2018.

Jorge Garcia, who was deported on Martin Luther King Day, spent $125,000 in 12 years trying to get legalized but the system is designed to work against immigrants. He is a model neighbor — a hard working husband and father. He’s never had a traffic ticket. Doesn’t matter. ICE showed up and deported him. He’s in Mexico now, alone. He doesn’t know anybody. His family asked if ICE could wait until DACA is resolved. Nope. Jorge is 6 months too old to qualify to be a Dreamer. In Trump’s America Jorge is out.

Robert Mueller — you’ve been pretty quiet. We’re choking here. Come out come out wherever you are!!!!!!




Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.