Take Down

Spike Dolomite
4 min readAug 7, 2020

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The Attorney General of New York taking down the NRA should have been the only thing that people talked about yesterday but it wasn’t because that’s how fucked up things are. The NRA is just another bad story in one never ending bad story.

The March for Our Lives kids held a Zoom party to celebrate the NRA’s take down and invited all the kids in America to come.

What people are too exhausted and distracted to think about is that without the NRA, Russia can’t funnel money to Republican candidates anymore. This is HUGE. Trump AND the NRA are taking the GOP down.

“The NRA is in so much financial trouble they might have to start laying off Republican senators and governors.” — Juan Rivera, P.E.

In response to the take down, the NRA tweeted: From our cold dead hands.

No NRA, from our cold dead hands. Take down that tweet you heartless, murderous greedy lying bastards.

Trump tried to take down the libs in a tweet: Just like Radical Left New York is trying to destroy the NRA, if Biden becomes President your GREAT SECOND AMENDMENT doesn’t have a chance. Your guns will be taken away, immediately and without notice. No police, no guns!

Trump headed off to Ohio to tour a Whirlpool factory and turned it into a tax payer funded campaign event, as usual. Before his speech, he blasted Guns N’ Roses’s “Live and Let Die” to get the crowd fired up. He actually played “Live and Let Die” hours after the blood-on-its-hands NRA learned its fate, during a deadly pandemic. Here’s some of the stupid, whacked out, not to be believed shit he said: “People have thanked me for water coming out of their sinks and showers…..You don’t need too much water for your dryers…….AOC — that’s a real beauty, isn’t it? She knows as much about the environment — do we have any young children here — as that young child over there. I think he knows more and she certainly knows nothing about the economy (AOC has a minor degree in economics. Her major is in international relations)…… We’re respected again as a country. You know, we’re respected again. You may not feel it. Although I think you do. You may not see it. You don’t read it about it from the fake news. But this country is respected again (Angela Merkel actually said, “I don’t want to be in the room with the guy”)…… I had such a beautiful life before this but that’s OK……..”

He said he banned incandescent light bulbs so he doesn’t look so orange, tried to take Joe Biden down by saying he’s mixing up what state he’s in (“And the worst is when he’s in, like, Indiana, and he says it’s great to be with the people of Florida and you have palm trees all over the place,”) and mispronounced Thailand. He said Thighland.

“Speaking of Thighland, just wait until Trump sees Niger on the teleprompter.” — Alex Cole

Before the Senate skipped town to blow off emergency relief for a soon to be homeless, starving chunk of the population, it took down TikTok on government devices. Soon after, Trump announced he was signing an executive order to take down TikTok. He’s banning it in 45 days. Like the Senate, Trump prioritized banning TikTok over creating a national strategy to combat the coronavirus.

People are dying every 80 seconds. 22% of the total amount of the coronavirus deaths around the world are in the richest, most powerful country on the planet.

Trump says his vaccine will be ready Nov 3, election day.

Brian Williams ended his show by saying, “From the majesty of Yo Semite to the tropics of Thighland, goodnight.”

Trump tried to take down China, the Democrats and the media in a single tweet this morning: I called the politicization of the China Virus by the Radical Left Democrats a Hoax, not the China Virus itself. Everybody knows this except for the Fake and very Corrupt Media!

88 days until we get to vote.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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