Talking Points

Spike Dolomite
4 min readOct 12, 2019

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Trump’s personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani, is a subject of a criminal investigation involving Ukraine and Trump. Trump’s talking point is he doesn’t think Rudy is his attorney anymore.

Trump’s former personal attorney, Michael Cohen, is in jail. Trump said he wasn’t his attorney anymore either. He barely knew the guy.

It won’t be long before Trump says he’s never even met Rudy Giuliani.

Rudy’s clients are the Russian mafia and Trump. Lots of talking on TV is the point.

Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch testified before Congress for 9 hours and left members of Congress feeling like all is not lost. She defined America in such a way that made everybody think we might make it through this after all. Her boss, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, tried to stop her TWICE but she’s a patriot. She pretty much said fuck you without actually saying fuck you. She just showed up and showed Pompeo. And Trump. And Rudy. And the Republicans. And White House criminals we don’t even know about yet. She’s a straight up honorable, competent civil servant with a 30 year distinguished track record. That’s why Trump and Rudy got rid of her. She was too good.

While Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch was testifying, Mike Pompeo was in Nashville at a religious freedom event (religious freedom as in anything Republicans say it is) and refused to answer any questions from a reporter about Rudy and Ukraine. He just accused the reporter of using DNC talking points hoping that that would make it on TV because “DNC talking points” is one of the Republican talking points.

Speaking of talking points, the idiots in the White House did it again. They accidentally sent all the Democrats in Congress a list of their impeachment talking points including lines to attack Adam Schiff. Those were supposed to go to the Republicans. IDIOTS.

The day after Bill Barr met with the owner of the very conservative Wall Street Journal, Rupert Murdoch, an op-ed appeared in the Wall Street Journal entitled, Ukraine Smoke and Mirrors. The White House legislative affairs office sent it to all of the senators with a note: “The President has asked for this article to be shared with you.”

Also on the day after Bill Barr met with Rupert Murdoch, Fox News anchor, Shep Smith quit on air after 23 years. Murdoch owns Fox too. Shep Smith is the only reporter who has ever called Trump out on Fox. At the same time, Trump praised the anchors and on air personalities at Fox at his MAGA rally, singling each one out by name, except for Shep Smith. Fox is cleaning house to be the media arm for the Trump campaign. Truth tellers are out and everybody else better not talk.

When US Attorney General Bill Barr isn’t serving as Trump’s personal attorney and cleaning up his messes, he’s making dominionistic speeches at places like Notre Dame law school saying shit like this: “This is not decay. This is organized destruction. Secularists and their allies have marshaled all the forces of mass communication, popular culture, the entertainment industry, and academia in an unremitting assault on religion and traditional values.” He blames drug overdoses and mental health issues on the absence of God in society. In other words, God’s law above US law. Talk about the end of civilization as we know it. The top cop in the country answers only to an imaginary friend who tells him everything he wants to hear so he can turn around and use his power to enforce his world view on an entire country using idiot Trump to do God’s work.

Homeland Security chief Kevin McAleenan has resigned.

Trump’s national security adviser is going to slash career staff and replace everybody with political appointees, giving Trump more power and plenty of room to talk too much.

We haven’t heard about the caravans of immigrants barreling over the border to take our jobs and rape our daughters and poop all over our lawns in awhile. Must not be on the list of White House talking points.

Steve Bannon, Russia and Rudy’s grand plan was to use Trump to burn America down only now they’ve caught fire. The reality TV star president and the Republicans are not going to be able to talk their way out of this.

You’re fired. Trump’s famous last words.

That should be the Dems only talking point from here on out: You’re fired.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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