Tased and Confused

Spike Dolomite
4 min readApr 14, 2021

It looks like a war zone in Afghanistan in Brooklyn Center, Minnesota, as the militarized police in full on riot gear and tanks fired tear gas and rubber bullets into the crowd of angry community members for the third night in a row. They have assembled to protest the murder of another young black man, in broad daylight, by another cop who claims to have gotten her gun and taser mixed up. She was just confused. The mayor is now in charge of police department because both the murderer and the chief of police have resigned. Prosecutors haven’t decided yet if they will charge the murderous cop, Kim Potter.

Speaking of Afghanistan, President Biden will announce that the US plans to fully withdraw troops from Afghanistan by September 11 which will commemorate the 20th anniversary of 9/11. Mitch McConnell says it’s a bad idea. “New reporting suggests the Biden administration plans to turn tail and abandon the fight in Afghanistan. Precipitously withdrawing US forces from Afghanistan is a grave mistake.” Being in Afghanistan for over 19 years is a big mistake. The Saudis attacked us on 9/11. Not Afghanistan. Lindsey Graham says pulling out would cause another 9/11. There already has been another 9/11 on 1/6 and his voters did it. Mitch and Lindsey aren’t confused. They know exactly what they’re doing and who they’re talking to.

Trump bragged about ending the war in Afghanistan. He wasn’t confused. He just lied.

There have been at least 15 cases of police officers mistaking guns for tasers over the past 20 years. Only 5 of the cops were indicted, and only 3 were found guilty.

The cop that shot young black man Jacob Blake in Kenosha, Wisconsin, and paralyzed him for life, Rusten Sheskey, is back on the job. With his gun. And his taser.

Kyle Rittenhouse, the teenaged white male who grabbed his AR-15 and drove to Kenosha with his mom to hunt humans, killing 2 and seriously injurying another, has been out on bond. His trial will start in the fall. Kenosha cops high fived Kyle for “helping” them the night protesters took to the streets to express their anger over another black man being murdered by one of their own. They didn’t confuse him for anything other than what he was — a white teenaged kid with an AR-15, hunting protesters.

Week 3 of the Derek Chauvin trial has started and the prosecution is about finished presenting its case. There is no question that he’s guilty but cops get away with murder all the time so people are on edge.

Senator John Kennedy, the Republican from Louisiana who dumbs himself down and talks like a dazed and confused half wit hick so people will vote for him went on Fox News to defend killer cops. “If you hate cops just because they’re cops… then next time you get in trouble, call a crackhead.” The half wits in Louisiana yelled, “Hell ya! Crackheads! Get your gun! And your taser!”

A local news anchor in Tennessee confused live shots of police responding to shootings because they were covering 2 at the same time.

Rick Roeber, the Republican state legislator in Missouri famous for running around town in his bare feet, has resigned because he’s being investigated for molesting his own children. He ran for his second wife’s seat 2 weeks after she died even though he was outed for having molested all 4 of his kids from his first marriage. Those kids are all in their 30s and 40s now. People voted for him even though they knew he was a pedophile. He beat his Democratic opponent by 300 votes. Since he has regular contact with an unnamed minor Missouri House leadership asked him to resign.

Matt Gaetz says there’s no way he’ll ever resign and House leadership would never ask him to.

Joe Biden is making history yet again by choosing openly gay, married, BLM ally, and police chief of Tucson, Chris Magnus, of Tucson to run Customs and Border Protection. Republicans’ heads are exploding with all the women, people of color and LGBTQs Biden has put on his team. Discrimination! Where are the straight white cis gender pseudo Christian rich men?

Speaking of straight white cis gender pseudo Christian rich men, their spokesman, Mitch McConnell said, “What we are confronted with here is a totally left wing administration — trying to transform America into something no one voted for last year.”

81 million people voted for it. And more and more people regret not voting for it because Biden is doing such a kick ass job. He’s shaking off white supremacy and the patriarchy and it’s not so bad after all. Since he’s an old white guy, more and more white guys are amazed to discover that it’s OK.

“Joe Biden has this neat trick of making Washington look stupid and out of touch with the rest of the country just by being decent and focusing on shit Americans actually care about.” — Adam Parkhomenko

Tomorrow will be the 155th anniversary of the day that President Abraham Lincoln was shot in the head by a lunatic with a gun. The lining of the jacket that he was wearing that night was embroidered with, “One Country — One Destiny.”

Hmmm.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.