Tell me you love me or else

Spike Dolomite
4 min readOct 11, 2019

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Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, 2 of Rudy Giuliani’s dirt traders for the Biden Ukraine set up, were picked up at the airport trying to flee the country hours before they were scheduled to testify before Congress. They were arrested on criminal charges for violating campaign finance rules. They used a fake company to funnel foreign money to Republican super PACs and campaigns so that they could bribe the winners. All that money didn’t help Pete Sessions of Texas keep his seat, though. And he was so helpful to Lev and Igor! He got washed away by the Blue Wave anyway. House Minority Leader, Kevin McCarthy is caught up in this too. He acted really surprised and shocked that his campaign accepted funny money so he’ll be donating $100,000 to charity. Same with Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida. He doesn’t need this kind of attention right now. He doesn’t want people to remember that he cheated to win and that Lev and Igor may have helped him so he’ll be making a donation to a charity too. Lev and Igor live in Florida. Who else will be giving to charity? Marco Rubio? Rick Scott?

Lev and Igor were invited to dinner at the White House and got their picture taken with Trump but Trump says he’s never met them.

Trump is mad at Fox News now because he doesn’t like the results of a recent Fox poll. He tweeted: From the day I announced I was running for President, I have NEVER had a good @FoxNews Poll. Whoever their Pollster is, they suck. But @FoxNews is also much different than it used to be in the good old days. With people like Andrew Napolitano, who wanted to be a Supreme Court Justice & I turned him down (he’s been terrible ever since), Shep Smith, @donnabrazile (who gave Crooked Hillary the debate questions & got fired from @CNN), & others, @FoxNews doesn’t deliver for US anymore. It is so different than it used to be. Oh well, I’m President!

Trump is conducting his own poll inside the White House: Tell me you love me or else.

Secretary of Energy Rick Perry has been subpoenaed, the senior adviser for Mike Pompeo has resigned in disgust, and Trump’s former Russia adviser, Fiona Hill, will testify that Rudy Giuliani and Gordon Sondland circumvented the National Security Council and normal White House procedure to run shadow Ukraine policy.

The UN Security Council called a special vote to condemn Turkey’s attacks. The US sided with Russia.

More than 60,000 Christians have been left homeless after Turkey’s assault on Syria. Evangelicals in America have no comment because they’re not the right kind of Christians.

“It’s still hard to believe that Trump just enabled an attack on the American allies who fought ISIS just because a fellow authoritarian called him on Sunday and asked for it.” — Ben Rhodes

The US Attorney General spends all of his time defending and protecting Trump like Michael Cohen used to do. He just met with conservative media mogul Rupert Murdoch in New York. What is the US AG meeting with the owner of a television news network for? He should be at the office, fighting crime, and leading an investigation into a criminal president and Russia infiltrating our government.

Lindsey Graham was punk’d by Russian pranksters, “Lexus and Vovan” pretending to be a Turkish defense minister. He was secretly recorded. Lindsey said that he liked President Erdogan and that he and Individual 1 supported and are sympathetic to Turkey’s fight against the Kurds even though publicly he pushed for sanctions on Turkey for attacking the Kurds, and that Trump wants to be helpful in the Reza Zarrab case (the Turkey based businessman with quadruple citizenship — Iranian, Azerbaijani, Turkish and Macedonian, Rudy Giuliani’s client who was sentenced to 32 months for bribing Turkish bankers and government officials who Trump tried to get the Justice Department to drop a criminal case against.)

Trump did his first MAGA rally since the impeachment inquiry started and he let it rip. Eric Trump warmed the crowd up with “Who likes Fox?” “We’re gonna say Merry Christmas again!” and “Lock them up!” Then Trump took the stage and as usual, claimed that they hit a new record in attendance, bragged about his 2016 win, read texts by Peter Strzok and Lisa Page, told outrageous lies about Adam Schiff and Nancy Pelosi, said Biden was only a good VP because he understood how to kiss Barack Obama’s ass, joked about staying in power for 16 years, trashed Congresswoman Ilhan Omar in her own district and vowed to crack down on Somali refugees (Minneapolis has the largest Somali population in the country and quite a few of them were working in the arena that night, forced to listen to this crap) and ended with every Democrat supports ripping babies straight from their mother’s womb up until the moment of birth.

10,000 protesters were outside Trump’s MAGA rally in the cold chanting “Lock him up!” and blowing whistles.

Tell us you love us, or else.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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