Testing Testing 1, 2, 3

Spike Dolomite
3 min readApr 16, 2020
About 100 MAGAs protested outside of the Ohio Statehouse because they’re pissed off about the stay at home orders that are infringing on their God given right to pass a deasly disease on to everybody they meet. Some of them brought their guns to show them off. The ones in front smashed their faces up against the glass that others had just touched, confident that their white privilege will protect them from the coronavirus that they don’t believe is real anyway. Photo credit Joshua A. Bickel

Thousands of MAGAs converged on the state capitol grounds in Michigan waving their Trump, Don’t Tread on Me and confederate flags, demanding that the governor re-open the state because liberty, tyranny, and liberals. They weren’t wearing any masks or practicing social distancing because they don’t believe the left wing media. They chanted, “Lock her up!” and left their MAGA trucks parked in the street to make the point that those are their streets so they can break the law if they want to. Ambulances couldn’t pass through but so what. Those weren’t real ambulances anyway — they were deep state decoys. The group was organized by the Michigan Conservative Coalition and the Michigan Freedom Fund backed by billionaires like Betsy DeVos.

Where are the testing kits that Trump promised?

Trump doesn’t give a shit about the MAGAs risking their health and over burdening public safety, health care, and local government systems. He doesn’t give a shit about anybody. He’s risking the lives of millions to SAVE HIMSELF.

Where are the testing kits that Trump promised?

Trump says he’s going to adjourn Congress so he can govern on his own. Republicans are pretending like they didn’t hear that.

Where are the testing kits that Trump promised?

The White House bought masks from Taiwan for the senior staff just as they were publicly telling Americans they don’t need masks.

Where are the testing kits that Trump promised?

The for-profit health insurance industry is cashing in on the coronavirus. Business is booming! UnitedHealth Group “earned” $5 billion for the first quarter of 2020.

Where are the testing kits that Trump promised?

The Supreme Court is scheduled to hear the Trump financial records/income tax returns cases on May 12. That means more people will die because he’ll pitch a fit and do something really insane like sign an executive order to close all hospitals and fire all doctors and nurses to deflect from what’s coming.

Where are the testing kits that Trump promised?

The governor of South Dakota is a MAGA and doesn’t care about public safety even after 1,100 people in her state came down with the coronavirus. Over half of them work at one food processing plant. That’s no big whoop. She’s not restricting anybody from going anywhere. Freedom!

The governor of South Dakota doesn’t care about the test kits that Trump promised.

More than 22 million have filed for unemployment, 7 million more than during the Great Depression in March 1933.

Where are the testing kits and the $1,200 relief checks that Trump promised?

“I’m sure people are very happy to get a big fat beautiful check with my name on it.” — Trump

Where are the testing kits that Trump promised?

“I don’t understand how my signature got on the relief check.” — Trump

Where are the testing kits that Trump promised?

Trump keeps criticizing governors for not being better prepared and stocking up on ventilators while promising to help Moscow by sending them ventilators.

Where are the testing kits and ventilators that Trump promised?

Nationwide testing declined 30% last week. Way more people are infected than know it. Way more people have died from it but since they weren’t tested for it, their deaths aren’t being recorded as coronavirus deaths. This thing is everywhere.

Where are the testing kits that Trump promised?

They’re not coming.

They were never coming.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.