That’s Not How It Works

Iran has pulled out of the Iranian nuclear deal and labeled Trump a “terrorist in a suit.”

Mourners filled the streets in cities across Iran for Soleimani’s martyr funeral and vowed to avenge his death.

There is a $80 million bounty on Trump’s head and a threat to attack the White House.

When you fuck with Iran, they fuck with you back. That’s how it works. Real presidents know this.

Mike Pompeo went on the Sunday morning news shows to do damage control. He called any retaliation by the Iranians “just a little noise” and shrugged off Trump’s threat to bomb the shit out of cultural sites.

Later in the day Trump told reporters on Air Force One that he sure as shit will bomb the shit out of cultural sites in Iran. “They’re allowed to kill our people. They’re allowed to torture and maim our people and we’re not allowed to touch their cultural sites? It doesn’t work that way.”

When Trump was asked about the possibility that Iran may retaliate by targeting and killing Americans he said, “if it happens it happens.”

Just a little noise and if it happens it happens. That’s the way it works.

This morning he’s back on Twitter ranting about the impeachment hoax. The White House is in chaos. The president is a mad man and everybody around him is either afraid of him, are way in over their heads, or just plain evil. We’re in serious trouble. That’s not the way it’s supposed to work.

WWI began after Archduke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated in 1914 and lasted until 1918. 20 million people died. 21 million were wounded. That’s how war works.

A real president would have held emergency meetings in the Situation Room at the White House after assassinating a foreign enemy but Trump was at his country club golfing and tweeting just like he always does. That’s how he “works.”

Trump tweeted: These Media Posts will serve as notification to the United States Congress that should Iran strike any U.S. person or target, the United States will quickly & fully strike back, & perhaps in a disproportionate manner. Such legal notice is not required, but is given nevertheless!

Nobody knows what the hell he means by that but it sounds like he’s giving Congress legal notice in a tweet. It doesn’t work that way and after 3 years he should know that but he’s the laziest, stupidest, most inept president we’ve ever had. Thanks a lot, Republicans.

That’s not how it’s supposed to work.

Iraq wants us out so Trump is threatening Iraq with sanctions. “If they do ask us to leave, if we don’t do it in a very friendly basis, we will charge them sanctions like they’ve never seen before ever. It’ll make Iranian sanctions look somewhat tame.”

And if Iraq does kick us out, Trump says we won’t leave until they pay us back for the al-Assad airbase that we took from them in 2003. That’s the way Trump works. Make ’em pay for stolen goods.

US Customs and Border Patrol are denying that have they been detaining and reporting all Iranians entering the country, regardless of their citizenship status. The New York Times reported that more than 60 travelers trying to return from work trips and vacations were detained. That’s not the way it’s supposed to work in the United States of America.

Trump has over 40 branded properties with his name on them around the world — all soft targets for the Iranians who have said they will get their revenge. This is going to hurt Trump financially which he didn’t foresee happening because he is incapable of critically thinking anything through. He’s just too damned stupid. People aren’t going to want to stay in his hotels, condos, apartments or golf on his courses for fear they’ll be killed. That’s how it works if you’re a short sighted, impulsive, childish sociopath who is easily flattered and manipulated by war hawks like Mike Pompeo.

The House is voting to limit Trump’s powers of war with Iran this week. Senator Tim Kaine has introduced a resolution to prevent a war with Iran. Let’s hope that works.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.