That’s the Rub

Congressman John Doe, AKA George Santos, keeps making news. He’s a total and complete fraud and now people are questioning whether or not George Santos is even his real name. Is he even a US citizen? He’s from Brazil. Stories and reports keep breaking and still, Kevin McCarthy and the GOP stand by him. A picture of him with Eduardo Bolsonaro (whose dad incited a coup in Brazil a couple of weeks) surfaced. He either really gets around and has the luck of Forest Gump or he’s a plant. A rubber plant that bounces from one grift and con to the other.

In 2016 George Santos ripped of a disabled vet whose service dog needed surgery. His fake charity raised $3,000 to save his dog on GoFundMe. He pocketed it and the dog died.

People who know George Santos don’t even know him. The drag queen that knew George Santos back in Brazil isn’t surprised by anything he’s heard about Anthony/George/Kitara. He lied about everything 15 years ago when he knew him too. They met when he was around 16 when they were both gay and loved drag. He said George could never be a professional drag queen because he wasn’t glamorous enough. The only way he could get famous was by being a politician. You know what they say, DC is Hollywood for ugly people. Rub a dub dub.

George Santos is such a pathological liar that he’s toot toot tootling along as if he has been a member of Congress forever. He put out a tweet of a him visiting the Shri Saneeswara Temple in his district and thanked them for inviting him. He was being greeted by a woman inside the temple. Twitter really rubbed him for it. Tweeters went for the toot toot tiara — “Is that your mom?” “Do they know that you wrote the semi-final draft of the Bhagavad Gita? I know you’re probably still mad that they cut out most of the puns,” and “CORRECTION: The photo caption labeled the individual pictured as Rep. Santos is actually Ganesh, god of luck and new beginnings and remover of obstacles. Our apologies for the error.”

George Santos will serve on two committees — the Small Business Committee where we’ll get to hear about the many small businesses he started and how they all became multi-billion dollar corporations and the House Science, Space, and Technology Committee where we’ll hear all about his many inventions and trips to the moon.

Conspiracy theorist Marjorie Taylor Greene is on two very powerful committees — the Homeland Security and the Oversight committees. The Department of Homeland Security was established in response to 9/11 and she believes it didn’t happen. When talking about the Pentagon being targeted she said, “It’s odd there’s never any evidence shown of a plane” except there was a plane that crashed and none of the friends and family members of the people who died on that plane believe that they didn’t die or that they never existed.

None of the new committee chairs are people of color because Republicans think America is for white people only. I’ll rub your pasty puffy white back if you rub mine.

There are 14 election deniers on the House Oversight Committee (all of them Republicans, of course). They are: Jim Jordan, Paul Gosar, Virginia Foxx, Andy Biggs, Scott Perry, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, Jake LaTurner, Gary Palmer, Clay Higgins, Pat Fallon, Byron Donalds, Pete Sessions, William Timmons, Lisa McClain, and Tim Burchett. The Oversight committee’s job is to ensure the efficiency, effectiveness, and accountability of the federal government and all its agencies, and provide a check and balance on the role and power of Washington. Fourteen of the members should be in jail for trying to stop the peaceful transition of power.

Florida Republican Greg Steube fell off his roof and is now in the hospital. He too tried to intervene with the peaceful transfer of power. He’s so ungrateful for the police risking their lives to save them that he voted against them getting gold medals. Prior to that he was one of the spreaders of COVID in the Capitol because he refused to wear a mask on the House floor and made a big deal out of it. When he was on the Judiciary Committee, he participated virtually from his home during a discussion on gun legislation and pulled out his gun and rubbed it. When a member expressed her discomfort he snapped that he could do whatever he wants with his gun. Republicans are doing their thoughts and prayers thing but all they really care about is that he gets back to work so they don’t lose his vote.

Matt Schlapp, the chair of the American Conservative Union, the oldest conservative lobbying organization in the country, is a loud mouthed family values guy who worships Republican Jesus. He’s so pasty puffy white his hair is white. Like all leaders of groups like these he’s a flaming hypocrite. When Brett Kavanaugh was being accused of sexual assault, he said that girls are stupid and deserve to be raped if they go upstairs alone to use a bathroom at a party. He has five daughters. Of course, he hates gays and lobbies for their removal from society but whadda ya know, he is being sued for over $9 million for sexual assault, defamation, and conspiracy by a staffer from Herschel Walker’s campaign who said he grabbed his crotch and rubbed his root when he gave him a ride.

The moral of the immoral Republican story: Don’t go rubbing people the wrong way if you’re not sure they’re a lying hypocrite too.



Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.