The Big Asshole

Spike Dolomite
3 min readMay 30, 2024


An hour ago, on May 30, 2024, on the third day of jury deliberations, 12 ordinary New Yorkers found unanimously that the former president, Donald J Trump, was guilty on all 34 felony counts.

History has just been made. Trump is now a convicted felon. A convicted felon running for president.

A former president was put through the legal process like any other person. The rule of law held in New York.

Trump spoke to the press afterwards and said all the usual shit. Bla bla bla bla bla bla. It’s all Biden’s fault and everything is rigged. The same exact stuff he says to the media every time he talks to them. Keep telling the same lie over and over and eventually people will believe it. Time will tell if that’s going to work anymore.

Meanwhile, over at the Supreme Court, the judicial system is not working. Justice Samuel Alito is refusing to recuse himself from deciding 2 pending January 6 cases. He pretty much told Senators Sheldon Whitehouse and Dick Durbin to go fuck themselves by going over John Roberts’ head and answering their letter personally, in which they asked the court to have him recuse himself. He basically thumbed his nose at the power of Congress and told them he could fly any flag he wants to on any of his properties. He said his wife is a private citizen and can make her own decisions. SAY WHAT? Alito defends his wife’s constitutional right, but took the right away from all women and girls to get an abortion!

Flying a treason flag on the day of inauguration is a fuck you to the peaceful transfer of power, the police who had been attacked, the desecration of the Capitol and America. Alito says anyone making a big deal out of the flags is motivated by politics. Nobody can stop him. He will do whatever he wants because he can.

Then Chief Roberts weighed in. He said leave him out of it. He’s useless. It’s the Alito court now, not the Roberts court.

Trump thanked Alito on Truth Social for having the guts to not step aside on anything having to do with January 6.

The Supreme Court hasn’t ruled on the immunity case for Trump to determine if he is immune from any kind of prosecution now and forever because Alito has been waiting for the guilty verdict so they can reverse it and then hightail it of DC to hide out at their beach houses over the summer.

Former UN ambassador and former Trump rival, Nikki Haley wrote “Finish Them!” on Israeli artillery shells during a Memorial Day visit to Israel.

One of the former producers of the Apprentice is spilling the beans now that his NDA has expired. The first thing to come out is that Trump used the “n” word regularly when talking about Black contestants. That’s not going to hurt him though because MAGAs love that about him. He’s a racist just like them.

Trump was able to get a TV put in the waiting room at the dingy, cold courthouse. He wasn’t allowed to leave the premises while the jury deliberated. He’s been having McDonald’s brought it which he washes down with Diet Coke. How that guy can continue to eat so badly, be that old and that out of shape, and not drop dead from the stress and burning hot hatred he holds in his body defies modern science.

Remember how great it was when he got COVID? We said the same thing then. How can a man that old, fat, and resentful live through COVID?

Trump has been breaking the law and getting away with it for decades. Today is a day of reckoning not just for Trump, but for New York City. New Yorkers have known what we all now know since the 80s.

He’s not going back to Trump Tower. He’s getting the hell out of New York.

The legend of Donald Trump began in The Big Apple. It ends there too.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.