The Biggest Loser

Spike Dolomite
4 min readNov 28, 2020

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After the Trump campaign paid $3 million for a recount in Milwaukee, the election board counted 132 additional votes for Biden. Trump paid to find out he lost even more. What a fucking loser.

Trump is tossing around the idea of announcing his 2024 run during Joe Biden’s inauguration. He’ll have to do it at Mar-a-Lago because if he did it at Trump Tower the moment could be lost if they interrupted his press conference that only Fox, OANN, and wacko YouTubers would cover to arrest him and haul him off to jail. New York City has always know that Trump is a loser and now they’ll finally get to see him put away after ripping New Yorkers off for decades and getting away with it.

“I pray Rudy Giuliani and Jenna Ellis represent Trump when the NY AG comes a Kraken.” — Andrew Goss

We’re witnessing a really sick, abusive relationship between Trump and his followers. They’re all losers who have found each other and really need each other. He’s dependent on them for his narcissistic supply and relies on them to be a captive audience for his toxic, maniacal rants, and to perpetuate his propaganda in the streets, online, and with elected Republican officials on his behalf. They depend on him to give them permission to let their own mental illness and hatred rip without consequence. They’re headed for a nasty breakup and we’re all going to bear the brunt of it like a sick family trapped in domestic violence. What’s he going to do without New York glamour, MAGA rallies, or a reality TV audience? What are MAGAs going to do when they no longer have him to worship, egg them on and praise their hatred and violence?

Actor Edward Norton thinks people are giving Trump too much credit for having some sort of big plan and he better be called out, or else. He tweeted: I’m no political pundit but I grew up with a dad who was a federal prosecutor and he taught me a lot and I’ve also sat a fair amount of poker with serious players and l’ll say this: I do not think Trump is trying to ‘make his base happy’ or ‘laying the groundwork for his own network’ or that ‘chaos is what he loves’. The core of it is that he knows he’s in deep, multi-dimensional legal jeopardy and this defines his every action. We’re seeing 1) a tactical delay of the transition to buy time for coverup and evidence suppression 2) above all, a desperate endgame which is to create enough chaos and anxiety about peaceful transfer of power, and fear of irreparable damage to the system, that he can cut a Nixon-style deal in exchange for finally conceding. But he doesn’t have the cards. His bluff after ‘the flop’ has been called in court. His ‘turn card’ bluff will be an escalation and his ‘River card’ bluff could be really ugly. But they have to be called. We cannot let this mobster bully the USA into a deal to save his ass by threatening our democracy. THAT is his play. But he’s got junk in his hand. So call him. I will allow that he’s also a whiny, sulky, petulant, Grinchy, vindictive little 10-ply-super-soft bitch who no doubt is just throwing a wicked pout fest and trying to give a tiny-hand middle finger to the whole country for pure spite, without a single thought for the dead and dying but his contemptible, treasonous, seditious assault on the stability of our political compact isn’t about 2024, personal enrichment or anything else other than trying to use chaos and threat to the foundation of the system as leverage to trade for a safe exit. Call. His. Bluff. Faith in the strength of our sacred institutions and founding principles is severely stretched but they will hold. They will. He’s leaving, gracelessly and in infamy, but if we trade for it, give him some brokered settlement, we’ll be vulnerable to his return. We can’t flinch.

Trump knows he has lost but he won’t concede to that, nor will he admit to being the world’s biggest loser.

Call. His. Bluff.

Donald Trump is the biggest loser.

Joe Biden will take office amid mass coronavirus deaths, chaos, and Republicans refusing to accept the election results in 53 days. Don’t let Trump get away with creating this mess and then dumping it on Joe Biden without paying a debt to the country he nearly destroyed.

Call. His. Bluff.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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