The Cult of MAGA

Spike Dolomite
3 min readSep 9, 2022

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Steve Bannon has been charged in New York with two counts of money laundering, three counts of conspiracy and one count of scheming to defraud. He could go to jail for years for ripping MAGAs off. As he was escorted through the halls of the courthouse in handcuffs he proclaimed before his podcast listeners and MAGAs everywhere that they won’t ever shut him up. “They’ll have to kill me first!” He reassured the MAGAs that he is only beginning to fight.

MAGAs are mad at the deep state for arresting him, not for ripping them off.

Former US Attorney Geoffrey Berman, who Trump appointed and then later fired because he didn’t turn out to be a MAGA cult member, says officials in Trump’s DOJ pressured his office to “aid them politically.”

The leadership PAC that DOJ is investigating is Trump’s Save America PAC. Like Bannon’s build the wall scam, Save America cheats MAGAs. He uses the money he grifts from them to pay the legal fees of anybody that’s in trouble for going along with the Big Lie.

The DOJ is appealing MAGA Judge Cannon’s order to let her special guy have a special master. If the MAGA appellate court rules in favor of the MAGA judge then it could go to the MAGA Supreme Court which could end up being worse than overturning Roe v Wade.

MAGA judge Aileen Cannon is 38 years old and was only 12 years out of law school when she got the lifetime appointment of being a federal judge. She had no judicial experience and her resume was pretty lame. She hadn’t given speeches, published anything of merit (her writing credits weren’t law related — she wrote articles for a local Spanish speaking newspaper, a prenatal yoga magazine, and a dance publication), written reports, or participated in any professional conferences or panels. When asked what media interviews she had given she said her wedding.

Queen Elizabeth died. She was 96. She had reigned for a third of the time that America has been a country. She had met with every US President since Harry Truman with the exception of Lyndon Johnson. Only one of them arrived late and walked in front of her — Trump.

Insurrectionist Gabriel Garcia has asked the court to give him formal permission to travel back to DC for a MAGA rally in 2 weeks because he “wants to attend a public event with numerous speakers related to supporting January 6 defendants.” The judge said NO.

MAGAs are so dumb that they gave Steve Bannon money to build a wall and sent Trump money to save America. They’re still chanting “lock her up” even though Trump could be locked up for the very thing he accuses Hillary Clinton of. Trump promised those who attacked the Capitol on his behalf that he’d pardon them if elected in 2024. They’re not mad at him for letting them take the fall. They don’t think they fell. He’s still a savior in their eyes and they’d vote for him again if he ran in 2024 because they’re in a cult.

MAGAs think freedom means “I can do whatever I want whenever I want.” They don’t respect rules that protect our collective safety or benefit the group because they say that infringes on their own individual liberties. Saying you don’t owe anything to anybody is childish and selfish. Everybody owes something to the group because the group gives us everything that we need. We can’t survive on our own. MAGAs think they can.

MAGAs have been duped into believing that anybody who benefits from any social net programs are getting something for nothing and don’t deserve it. Trump mobilized poor white voters who benefit the most from government assistance to hate Black people and immigrants because they’re the takers, not them. They don’t see themselves as beneficiaries at all. They see themselves as temporarily under employed millionaires.

What started off as a cult of personality has grown into a cult of tribe. Collectively, MAGAs are much more dangerous. Avoid MAGAs in groups.

“Osama Bin Laden didn’t fly planes into the World Trade Center himself. He got his followers worked into a frenzy and they did it for him.” — Aunt Crabby

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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