The Faithful

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMar 14, 2023

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Arrests, indictments, and convictions keep happening every day in the insurrectionist and pedophile worlds. Fox News viewers don’t hear about these stories because the convicts are them. Not the Godless, sex crazed, trans loving, groomer liberals that Fox News has taught them to hate and fear.

Tristen Stephens was sentenced to 5 years for attacking the Capitol and police officers — 9 counts including 5 felonies. He said he went there for the Biden laptop. He also said that January 6 was entrapment.

Cale Clayton pleaded guilty for breaching the Capitol. He yelled at the police while he was attacking them, “You guys realize your President told us to be here. Your President! Hey, how does that make you feel? You’re defying your own fucking country!” Cale Clayton will be sentenced in June.

Julian Khater, who assaulted police with chemical spray during the insurrection, was sentenced to 80 months in prison. One of the officers he assaulted was Brian Siknick who died later that day from a series of strokes.

Kevin Seefried was sentenced to 3 years in prison for breaching the Capitol. His legacy will be being the guy who carried the confederate flag inside the Capitol during an attempted coup.

Garret Miller got sentenced to 38 months in prison. He was wearing a t-shirt with a photo of Trump and the words, “I was there, Washington, D.C., January 6, 2021” when he got arrested. After the failed coup, he threatened Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on Twitter.

Dan Caldwell was sentenced to 68 months in jail. He sprayed a line of police officers with chemical spray wearing protective glasses holding a 2-way radio. The guy is a Marine veteran. He told the judge he was sorry but the judge ripped him a new one because he didn’t apologize to the whole country for being an insurrectionist. The judge said he destroyed his family on top of his honor. Disgraced veteran Dan Caldwell is whining now because he missed his mom’s funeral plus his middle child’s military deployment and on top of that his poor wife has to support the family all by herself. Boo hoo.

Pauline Bauer was found guilty of 5 crimes and could go to jail for over 20 years. She was the MAGA who yelled, “We want Nancy Pelosi! That’s who we want! You bring them out or we’re coming in! They’re criminals! They need to hang! We want to hang that fucking bitch!”

Danean MacAndrew was found guilty on 4 misdemeanor counts. She said she did what she did because the president told her to. In her ruling, federal judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly said Trump ordered his followers to attack the Capitol so now it’s in an official judicial order that Trump ordered the attack on the United States government.

Turning the dial over to convicted pedophiles and groomers news, 63 year old Bible study teacher, Carlton Ranquist, pleaded guilty to sexual assault against a child under the age of 15 as a pattern of abuse by a person of trust. Youth pastor in Virginia, Terry Compton, was sentenced to 240 years for sex crimes he committed against kids under the age of 12 for 26 years. Youth pastor in Illinois Isaiah W. Mikkelson was charged with aggravated criminal sexual abuse and criminal sexual assault involving several minors, plus child pornography. A former member of Alabama Governor Kay Ivey’s staff, attorney Chase Tristian Espy, was sentenced to 8 years for unlawful contact with a minor and possession of over 70 videos and photos of children being sexually abused. A former public school librarian in Maryland, Charles Sutherland, is facing 7 counts of possessing child pornography. He spray painted the word “groomer” across two libraries last year.

None of these traitors and sickos are drag queens or trans people. They’re followers of Republican Jesus, Fox News, and Q.

Mike Pence went on a homophobic rant against Pete Buttigieg for caring for his kids and taking “maternity” leave. He said he was the “only person in history to have a child and everyone else gets postpartum depression.” Mike Pence looks like he’s only had sex 3 times and that was for procreation purposes only. He has 3 kids but based on his rant meant to insult Pete Buttigieg for being gay, he outed himself as a sexist prick because clearly he sees caring for babies as women’s work. It’s right there in the Republican Jesus Bible along with infanticide and incest.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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