The Gospel According to The Court

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMay 12, 2022

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Seven of the Supreme Court Justices are Catholic and only one is liberal

Every single Republican and Democrat in Name Only Joe Manchin voted to block the Senate from voting on making it a law that abortion remain legal. They filibustered a Democratic bill that the majority of Americans support.

Buy American used to mean by products made in America. Now it means buy a senator.

Republican Catholic Clarence Thomas and Republican Catholic Brett Kavanaugh were both credibly accused of sexual harassment and now they sit in judgement of a woman’s right to make decisions about her own sex life, including the consequences of being raped by men like them.

Democratic Congressman Hakeem Jeffries called Clarence Thomas out in a congressional hearing for saying women should have to live with decisions that they don’t agree with. He said he needed to heed his own advice by starting in his own home — his wife didn’t like the result of the presidential election so she tried to overturn it.

Critics say people need to respect Catholic justices’ privacy and not harass them by protesting outside of their homes. One of the protesters who has been outside of Brett Kavanaugh’s house is his neighbor. She was raped and had to have an abortion because she got pregnant. She organized the protest and invited other neighbors to join in.

Joe Manchin and Susan Collins voted for Kavanaugh. They accused the Democrats of being “divisive” by encouraging women to protest during his confirmation hearing. They found the protesters rude when they chanted, “We believe Christine!” throughout the Capitol during the hearing. Many of the women who had chanted had been sexually assaulted, and neither senator paid any attention to them.

Mara Louk was a student at Visible Music Christian College in Memphis. She was kicked out 9 units shy of getting her bachelors degree because she was raped by another student on campus. After she reported it she was kicked out for having premarital sex. They let the rapist stay.

The Satanic Temple is bringing a case before the Catholic Supreme Court saying that Texas’ anti-abortion law violates their “religious freedom.” Satan could save women from the American Christian Taliban. If Hobby Lobby can deny female employees birth control under their company health plan, then women should be able to join the Satanic Temple and get an abortion without government interference.

Judaism believes that life begins at birth. What about their abortion rights?

Activists from Abortion Access Front, a “coven of hilarious badass feminists who use humor and pop culture to expose the haters fighting against reproductive rights (www.aafront.org),” gathered outside of a church and yelled the same things that pro-lifers yell at women entering Planned Parenthood — “Don’t go in there!” “We can save you!” “Let us help you!” “Don’t do it!” “You are better than this!” “It’s not too late!” “You’ll regret it!” After one guy walked out, they applauded and chanted, “Yay! We saved one!”

Everybody knows women who have had an abortion. 1 in 4 women has had an abortion and they’re not all Democrats.

“If you don’t know a handful of women who’ve had an abortion, you’re not morally righteous or statistically anomalous; you’re just not the kind of person women trust with their secrets.” — Emily Porter, MD

When “grab ’em by the pussy” Trump, who paid off a porn star and Playmate, palled around with Jeffrey Epstein and underage girls and was accused of raping one, who wanted to abort his fourth child and undoubtedly paid for plenty of abortions because he had bedded hundreds of women, was in office and got the whole ball rolling with overturning Roe by appointing 3 Catholic Federalist Society judges to the Supreme Court, Samantha Bee said, “I always knew someday a Republican president would manage to take away my right to choose. I just didn’t think it would be the kind of president who’s definitely tried to go Dutch on an abortion.”

Democrats have done more to reduce the abortion rate than Republicans, by giving women of childbearing age MORE choice, not less.

Women had more rights as embryos before they became female.

Catholics and abortion fun fact: Catholics used to vote Democrat until the Republicans politicized abortion in the early 1970s and framed it as anti-women’s lib. They saw the Equal Rights Amendment as an assault on the American family by making mothers feel like slaves and accused feminists of promoting free sex, advocating for daycare centers so they could work, and seeking out abortions instead of having families. Abortion wasn’t about the unborn at first, it was about women attacking their natural roles as mothers and the traditional American family.

Democratic Catholic President Joe Biden said that if the Supreme Court overturns Roe v Wade, they won’t stop there. “The opinion basically says there’s no such thing as the right to privacy. If that holds, mark my words — they are going to go after same-sex marriage.”

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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