The Joker

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMar 5, 2020

Trump is blaming Obama for his own lame response to the coronavirus outbreak. When all else fails, blame Obama! “The Obama administration made a decision on testing that turned out to be very detrimental to what we’re doing and we undid that decision a few days ago so that testing can take place in a much more accurate and rapid fashion…”

Trump brought up the election during a coronavirus meeting with airline officials. He attacked Democratic candidates, exploiting the virus for political gain. Everybody just sat there, dumbfounded. Again. Is this guy a joke?

Mike Pence opened the meeting by flattering Trump on how he’s handling the outbreak. Trump joked, “I haven’t touched my face in weeks. Weeks! I miss it.”

Trump called into Sean Hannity’s show and told Fox viewers that it was perfectly fine for them to go to work if they’re infected with the coronavirus, that he doesn’t believe the World Health Organization’s mortality rate because he has “a hunch,” that the coronavirus is really just the flu, and Democrats are weaponizing the virus against him and his administration. After he was done ranting he concluded by saying, “I’m president and they’re not.”


“We need truth. We need the facts. We need testing. And we need them now. We needed them a week ago. And Donald Trump should take the next month off and golf, while someone else handles it.” — Chris Hayes

6 new cases of the coronavirus have popped up in Los Angeles County in the last 2 days. The LA County Board of Supervisors declared a state of emergency. Unlike the federal government, they’re not messing around. This is not a joke.

King County officials in Washington are recommending that people over 60 stay home and away from crowds.

Trump donated 25% of his presidential salary ($100,000) to fight the coronavirus and made a big deal out of it. What a joke.

Frat boy Matt Gaetz wore a gas mask in the House chamber when voting for an emergency funding bill to fight the coronavirus. Was this supposed to be a joke? Did he think he was clever or funny? Fellow congress member Sean Maloney didn’t laugh. He said, “It just shows extraordinary insensitivity to people who have lost loved ones and who are now scared about that’s going on.”

Everybody is scared about what’s going on. There’s a deadly virus sweeping the nation, the government is lying to us, and Matt Gaetz thinks it’s a joke.

Mike Bloomberg dropped out of the race and endorsed Joe Biden.

Kellyanne Conway’s husband, Republican George Conway, donated the maximum amount possible by law to Joe Biden’s campaign.

Trump says he plans on bringing up Hunter Biden all the time during the election.

Ron Johnson is in production meetings for the Republican dog and pony show, Benghazi II — “Throw Biden from the Ukrainian Train.”

Anybody who is summoned to audition for this show via subpoena should just blow it off because Republicans have made that perfectly acceptable.

Meanwhile, Lara Trump is in production meetings for a reality TV show about Joe Biden’s mental capacity. She’ll be focused on his “cognitive function.” That’s laugh out loud funny. Mrs. Bleeding Gums Eric is going to create shows about The 25th Amendment Was Made For Trump’s political rival, the very guy he was impeached over for extorting Ukraine, that will focus on mental health. Not Trump’s. Joe Biden’s.

When Joe says something stupid, he’s forgiven because people love Joe. He’s a jokester. Sometimes Uncle Joe’s jokes are funny, sometimes they really aren’t. Either way, there is no harm in them. When Trump says something stupid, every day, people look the other way, but never at each other.

Speaking of saying something stupid, Republicans are clutching their pearls over Senator Chuck Schumer calling Kavanaugh and Gorsuch out for messing with abortion. He told them they’d regret it. The Republicans took that as a threat and are making a big deal out of it. What a fucking joke. Justice Roberts reprimanded Chuck, saying that “threatening statements of this sort from the highest levels of government are not only inappropriate, they are dangerous,” Trump tweeted that if a Republican did that they’d be arrested, or impeached, and Moscow Mitch pounded his chest on the Senate floor and said what he did was unacceptable! Nobody ever says a word about Trump threatening and insulting justices, judges, members of congress, and world leaders EVERY DAY. Trump thinks the whole world takes him seriously. They take him seriously because he’s got a shit ton of power but they regard him as a joke.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.