The Man Who Mistook His Life for a Hat
Trump’s mob police are going door to door in DC now, looking for anybody who doesn’t wear the hat.
During a press conference, Trump accused the mayor of Washington DC of fraud. “Sadly, what I guess the mayor did, but whoever it was, they asked the numbers to be fudged so they would show less crime. The fact is, it’s worse than it has ever been.”
The streets of DC are dead. There is no crime.
A reporter asked Trump if he didn’t think that troops would be needed more elsewhere, like fighting terrorists. Trump said that that’s what his troops are doing. Fighting terrorists. He said, “They like to say, ‘Trump’s a dictator!’ Well, I had calls from many many friends, including Democrats, and they were thanking me so much for what I’m doing in DC.” Trump tipped his hat and rambled on, “The biggest issue right now is crime. Stopping crime in the cities, and the Democrats are fighting the stopping of crime. So I think that’s like men playing in women’s sports is okay, or transgender for everybody … it’s rampant in our blue-run cities.”
Speaking of men playing women’s sports, the Minnesota Vikings have welcomed 2 male cheerleaders for this season. Now what does MAGA do? They got rid of trans people in sports now how do they get rid of men in spaces where men fetishize women and call it team spirit?
A resistor was charged with a felony for throwing a sub sandwich at a Customs and Border Protection agent in DC while he was hanging around doing nothing. This made AG Pam Bondi really mad. She intends to prosecute to the fullest extent of the law. Throw a sandwich — go to jail. Force feed a sandwich to a kidnapped girl before raping her and get elected president. Release the god damned Epstein files already.
California governor Gavin Newsom has been trolling Trump, playing his game by making ridiculous social media posts that are not only unbecoming for a governor or president, but Newsom’s posts sound just like Trump’s posts, all in caps and “signed” in a similar fashion. It’s pure genius and sure to get under Trump’s skin. Let’s hope it works. Throw his hat in his own ring and keep watching him pick it up. Dummy.
Hat tip to Gavin Newsom, master of hairemonies.
Mitch McConnell is calling it quits and retiring. Not because it’s time after a long and rewarding career. He’s quitting because he’s an old man and can’t make it to the bathroom in time. Serving in Congress has made him a very rich man. He’s made all sorts of questionable money. His legacy will be leading the GOP into extinction destroying our democracy. He is a man of many hats. If there is a hell he’ll be wearing the hat the whole time.
A man in Los Angeles was killed after he ran onto a highway to escape ICE who was chasing him.
Dr Phil is tagging along on ICE raids.
Trump has appointed himself as Master of Ceremonies for all performances at the Kennedy Center from here on out and you just know he’s going to wear that fucking hat.
Trump posted not to buy Goodyear Tires because they banned his MAGA hat.
Trump is meeting Putin in Anchorage, Alaska right now. Watch Trump give Putin Alaska just for complimenting him on his hat.
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