The Pee Wee Vermin Show

Spike Dolomite
4 min readFeb 13, 2021


You get what you pay for and Trump is getting his money’s worth with his defense team. They fell all over themselves while they killed time, went through the motions, and pulled political smoke bombs out of their butts. They lied, slandered, snapped at senators, purposely mispronounced names and refused to answer questions. Trump has a First Amendment right to violate his oath! He can’t help it if people came to hear him speak ready to be incited! It’s not an insurrection if it fails! Antifa! Trump didn’t know that he was supposed to send the national guard in because he’s still new at this! What about Black Lives Matter? First amendment! The House Managers and Democrats are full of hate! They showed you manipulated evidence and selectively edited footage! The Democrats use the word “fight” too, and we can prove it by showing you selectively edited footage set to fight music!

The defense played the same video of Democrats using the word “fight” over and over. The word “fight” was heard 238 times.

Whataboutism. False equivalency. I know you are but what am I? But they started it. That’s Trump’s defense.

Attorney David Schoen lied on the Senate floor when he said that the Democrats withheld security videos from him. They did not. He tried to argue that when MAGAs tweeted that they were “bringing the cavalry” what they really meant was calvary, the site of Jesus’s crucifixion. David Schoen is a Jew so this was a real stretch. He left before sundown and left the rest of the show to the other 2 stooges, Bruce Castor and Michael van der Veen.

David Schoen said that Trump saying that there were very fine people on both sides in Charlottesville was a lie. “Jews will not replace us!” is a lie? The guy will bolt from the Capitol to observe the Sabbath but lie on the Senate floor to say that Nazis didn’t say what they were filmed saying?

David Schoen threatened to quit Thursday night and Trump had to beg him not to.

Bruce Castor got Georgia’s Secretary of State Brad Raffensberger’s name wrong. He referred to him as Ben Roethlisberger. He didn’t know the difference between censure and censor. He actually said out loud, “I don’t know if we’re under oath here.” He reminded Republicans that if they don’t vote to acquit, they could lose their jobs — “Nobody in this chamber is anxious to have a primary challenge. That is one truism I think I can say with some certainty. But that’s the way we operate in this country.”

If the political calculation doesn’t fit you must acquit.

Michael van der Veen, the personal injury attorney who makes a living off of suing people, wouldn’t say whether he believed Trump actually won the election -”My judgment is irrelevant in this proceeding.” He bitched about this gig, “This is about the most miserable experience I’ve down here in Washington DC, there’s nothing fun about it.” House Manager Jamie Raskin smacked him down by saying, “Man you should’ve been here on January 6th.”

While the defense was bombing on stage, news broke that during the conversation between Qevin McCarthy and Trump on January 6, they were screaming at each other and Trump defended the mob by saying that they cared more about the election than McCarthy did. Republican Congresswoman Jaime Herrera Beutler has come forward to confirm the conversation and has encouraged others who have more information to do the same, “To the patriots who were standing next to the former president as these conversations were happening, or even to the former vice president: If you have something to add here, now would be the time.”

Reminder: Qevin McCarthy voted no on impeachment. 3 weeks after he yelled, “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” he was yucking it up at Mar-a-Lago talking about the future of the GQP.

550 staffers have signed on to a petition asking senators to convict.

The New York Times editorial board has called for conviction. That won’t matter to the Republicans because their voters don’t read the New York Times.

Ted Cruz and Lindsey Graham dropped in on Trump’s lawyers during the break yesterday. Are they on Trump’s legal team? If so, are they now lawyers, jurors, witnesses and victims?

Republicans had the nerve to give Officer Eugene Goodman a standing ovation when they plan on acquitting the man who almost got him killed and left 140 of his colleagues wounded and 3 of them dead.

Senators have just voted to debate on calling witnesses. Lindsey Graham changed his vote from nay to aye at the last minute so they can call Hillary, Hunter Biden, and Jim Comey and give the Fox News audience a real show.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.