The Penis and the Oath

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJul 21, 2018

While the media obsessed on breaking news about Michael Cohen’s tape of Trump paying off a Playboy model, Russia was testing nuclear weapons.

The Michael Cohen tape was covered all day, and not a single Republican called for an investigation. They did everything they could to destroy Bill Clinton, including accusing him of murder, but couldn’t get anything on him so they set him up to lie about a blow job under oath so they could impeach. Trump has committed a long list of impeachable offenses, including lying, and they’re ignoring them all. Put him under oath. He won’t be able to not lie for two minutes, forget about blow jobs from porn stars and Playboy models. Nobody but the press really cares. Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell are looking the other way and they don’t care how guilty that makes them look — just so long as Trump’s base is fired up and ready to vote Republican. Come on now, GOP. What’s good for the goose is good for the pander. Practice what you impeach!

We’re not acting like a country that has been attacked. That’s because the president and the Republican party are pretending like we weren’t.

“Putin shouldn’t be in our country. Frankly, he attacked our country. Most Americans, when they have their home broken into, they upgrade their security system. They don’t invite the burglar for dinner” — Congressman Eric Swalwell

Republican hypocrite fun fact: The Republicans won’t let the translator testify about what happened in the room with Putin and Trump because that would be good for America. They’re protecting Trump. And Putin.

The White House is a dysfunctional, chaotic mess. Trump is panic tweeting, throwing all sorts of bloody raw meat to his gullible, white nationalist base that still believes that Obama was born in Kenya, he’s a Muslim and that there is secret sperm in Obama’s official portrait.

Trump tweet this morning: Inconceivable that the government would break into a lawyer’s office (early in the morning) — almost unheard of. Even more inconceivable that a lawyer would tape a client — totally unheard of & perhaps illegal. The good news is that your favorite President did nothing wrong!

Trump tweet yesterday: I got severely criticized by the Fake News Media for being too nice to President Putin. In the Old Days they would call it Diplomacy. If I was loud & vicious, I would have been criticized for being too tough. Remember when they said I was too tough with Chairman Kim? Hypocrites!

Trump tweet yesterday: The NFL National Anthem Debate is alive and well again — can’t believe it! Isn’t it in contract that players must stand at attention, hand on heart? The $40,000,000 Commissioner must now make a stand. First time kneeling, out for game. Second time kneeling, out for season/no pay!

While Trump sits on his big fat ass, tweeting in his golf cart, 92 year old former president Jimmy Carter builds homes for the poor.

Maria Butina’s boyfriend, Republican Paul Erickson, wrote in an email, “I’ve been involved in securing a VERY private line of communication between the Kremlin and GOP leaders via the NRA.”

Meanwhile in Florida, a white man shot and killed a black man over a parking space. No charges were filed. Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law — open season since 2005.

A 4 year old in California found a loaded gun and shot and killed his two year old cousin. Gun nuts call it a tragic accident. Sane people call it insane and criminal child neglect and endangerment.

Trump supporters in New Jersey are plotting to pop the Trump Baby blimps and launch Make America Great Again balloons.

Lunatic Christian TV host, Rick Wiles, said that Rachel Maddow is leading a coup that will drag Trump from the White House and decapitate him within 72 hours. He says that America has been homosexualized. Anderson Cooper is a homosexual CIA agent on CNN and Rachel Maddow is on the communist channel. Helicopters will hover above the White House and commandos will crash through windows. There will be a shoot out in the White House and a leftist mob will tear down the gates and go into the White House and drag Trump and his family out of the White House and cut their heads off on the White House lawn.

The FBI is trolling Trump with historical posts about what became of Russian spies on Twitter.

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ACTION ITEM FOR TODAY: Clean up your friends and follow lists — make sure you aren’t inadvertently following Russian bots, trolls or fake causes and movements such as #walkaway — that’s a fake movement meant to divide Democratic voters so they won’t show up for the Dems in November. Don’t fall for it.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.