The Week Ahead

Spike Dolomite
4 min readAug 2, 2021

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The week begins with Trump not being able to hide his taxes any longer. Merrick Garland said that Trump’s DOJ was wrong to tell Congress it couldn’t have Trump’s taxes. Congress will now get to see them as a matter of national security.

The week also begins with the knowledge that Trump told HIS Department of Justice to say that the election was corrupt and leave the rest to him. He acknowledged that 3 members of Congress were in on his plot.

The week begins with record numbers of new covid infections and deaths and will end with even higher numbers, mostly in the South where Republican governors are still bitching about government over reach and not doing anything to protect the public from a deadly, highly contagious virus for which there is a solution.

The states with the highest covid numbers are also the states with the highest uninsured numbers because their Republican governors have prevented their people from having access to life saving Obamacare.

Kids are dying in red states and still people are raging against the government telling them what to do. If these people didn’t care about their aged parents dying from covid at the beginning of the pandemic, they’re not going to care about their kids now.

“Go to a cemetery. See all the baby graves there from before the 1950s & 1960s? Then, hardly any. That’s when people started vaccinating their kids. If you are unsure, the answer is, literally, written in stone.” — Mohamad Safa

California has double the population of Florida and Florida has four times as many new covid cases. Their governor, Ron DeSantis has mandated that the state can withhold funds if school districts make students wear masks. Kids will be going back to school in a few weeks and many of them won’t leave school because they’ll die in a hospital.

On Sunday, Florida broke the record for covid cases since before the vaccine was available. It broke the record for the most daily cases two days earlier — 21,683 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase on record, and 108 new deaths. 10,000 are in the hospital.

A family of 5 from Texas vacationed in Florida for a week where they got infected and got sick on the drive home. All 5 of them. Dad is in the hospital, a burden.

One of the idiots who was part of a standing ovation when the St. Louis County board voted to overturn the mask mandate has turned up with covid. County health officials have asked everybody who attended that meeting to quarantine for 9 days which of course they won’t do. Not only did this group rage against science and government, they insulted and verbally attacked the health county official who spoke in favor of masks to protect public health. They threatened him after the meeting with racist attacks. St. Louis County, Missouri is a ticking time bomb and people are playing covid roulette.

Marjorie Taylor Greene calls businesses mandating masks, “segregation.”

This week begins with the leader of the Republiqan party in the House, Qevin McCarthy, joking about assaulting 81 year old Speaker Nancy Pelosi by hitting her with the ultimate symbol of power, the Speaker’s gavel as soon as he becomes Speaker in 2023 (he’s sure of it because the Republiqans will prevail in taking over the US government.) He’s going to hit her for overseeing a committee investigating a violent Republiqan attack on US government that he has also made light of.

The week begins and ends with Fox News lying, slandering, and barfing up information to a duped audience that will ultimately get them killed, without consequence. It has been suspended from YouTube in Australia this week for doing what it does in the US, “freely.”

The week beings with nearly 230 Republican members of Congress telling the Supreme Court that it should overturn Roe v. Wade and release its “vice grip on abortion politics.”

The week begins with Trump calling the 4 officers who testified about being attacked at the Capitol, “pussies.”

This week, more people will overwhelm the US health care system and die needlessly, Trump will do something stupid, Tucker Carlson will lie with a straight ugly face, Republiqans will betray the Constitution and the country, a third of the country will embarrass the rest of the country but not themselves because they’re too stupid to ever be embarrassed, 2,200 will be shot and 300 will die, the planet will burn and flood, entitled white people will make life miserable for everybody else, and the filthy rich will be more filthy and more rich by next Monday.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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