Throwing Shit

Spike Dolomite
3 min readDec 27, 2024

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Trump is picking fights with other countries and world leaders aren’t having it. Trump pissed the president of Colombia off and he responded by saying let’s settle this face to face which should scare the crap out of Trump. He’s such a wimp the best he’d be able to do with a face to face confrontation is by harvesting poop from his adult diaper and hurling it at his opponent. Bullies can’t take confrontation. Then there’s Greenland. After Trump posted on Truth Social that “the ownership and control of Greenland is an absolute necessity,” Greenland’s prime minister let Trump now publicly that that wasn’t going to fly. Trump can’t own Greenland. Denmark, who currently “owns” Greenland is taking Trump’s threat seriously and is investing $1 billion in its national defense in case the United States invades them. Trump is messing with Canadian politics, too, by saying hockey player Wayne Gretzky should be governor of Canada. He’s stirring shit up in Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s cabinet and is trying to drive him out.

Trump is dreaming about colonizing more countries by “expanding” America. His. Christmas message to the country, via social media was: Merry Christmas to all, including to the wonderful soldiers of China, who are lovingly, but illegally, operating the Panama Canal (where we lost 38,000 people in its building 110 years ago), always making certain that the United States puts in Billions of Dollars in “repair” money, but will have absolutely nothing to say about “anything.” Also, to Governor Justin Trudeau of Canada, whose Citizens’ Taxes are far too high, but if Canada was to become our 51st State, their Taxes would be cut by more than 60%, their businesses would immediately double in size, and they would be militarily protected like no other Country anywhere in the World. Likewise, to the people of Greenland, which is needed by the United States for National Security purposes and, who want the U.S. to be there, and we will!…

Trump is keeping track of who is donating to his inaugural fund. If you don’t give you won’t get. Here is who has paid to play so far by donating at least $1 million:

Amazon

AT&T

Bank of America

Charter Communucations

Coinbase

Ford

General Motors

Goldman Sachs

Intuit

Meta

Stanley Black and Decker

Toyota

Uber (CEO giving another million)

Sam Altman (CEO for Open AI)

Cornell University notified international students that they need to return to campus before inauguration or they may not be able to come back due to Trump’s travel ban. Other colleges are telling their foreign students who left the country to visit family for the holidays to get back sooner rather than later or they might not be able to get back into the country to finish their education.

Trump is going to reinstate his family separation policy.

Governor Greg Abbott of Texas is putting up billboards to warn migrants that if they cross the border into Texas they could get kidnapped or raped.

MAGA is turning on Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy. They’ve had a falling out over the H1 visa which allows high tech foreigners in the country to work which of course Elon wants but since MAGA hates all foreigners and don’t want anybody in, this is a major deal breaker. Musk retaliated by big mouth MAGA influencers of their confirmed elite status on X and their ability to monetize their content. He essentially shit all over them by X’ing them from X. It’s looking more and more like Musk and Ramaswamy will have to leave the party or MAGA influencers will leave the party. Party poopers, throwing shit at each other before the inauguration. The next four years will be just like the first four — they won’t be able to get shit done.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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