Thump the Trump

Spike Dolomite
4 min readNov 29, 2023

Hunter Biden said he’d agree to appear before the House Oversight Committee on December 13 or any day for that matter but on one condition: It had to be public. The Republicans said no. Hunter called their bluff.

3 Palestinian college students were shot in Vermont while walking around the neighborhood after family Thanksgiving. None of them died but they’re in serious condition. 2 are American citizens. The gunman is a dangerous kook who describes himself as a “radical citizen” who patrols “demockracy and crapitalism for oathcreepers.” His social media cover banner says “Libertarians want trans furrys (sic) to be able to protect their cannabis farms with unregistered machine guns.”

Judge Engeron’s clerk gets about 50 emails and calls (on her personal cell phone) from dangerous kooks every day threatening her. The judge’s office gets threats, too. Many are anti-semitic. More calls happen when the gag order gets lifted. Other judges get regular death threats, too.

Dangerous kooks threatening, hurting and killing people wasn’t a regular thing until Trump came along.

Derek Chauvin, the cop who killed George Floyd in front of the whole world was stabbed in prison on Black Friday.

Retailers complained that they didn’t get big crowds on Black Friday. That’s because everybody was too broke from spending their month’s food budget on Thanksgiving dinner. Ever since COVID, the sizes of containers at the grocery stores got smaller and the prices got higher. Inflation is going down, but grocery bills have not. Who’s sticking it to us? The food producers, the grocers, or both? Biden called them out by saying, “Any corporation that has not brought their prices back down, even as inflation has come down, even as the supply chains have been rebuilt, it’s time to stop the price gouging. Give the American consumer a break.”

Jeff Bezos isn’t complaining. People still spent money on Amazon. He’s now worth $170 billion. If this one guy were taxed like everybody else, everybody else could afford groceries.

A guy streaked through the set of “It’s a Small World” ride at Disneyland and got arrested. He got pretty high before entering the park and thought it would be cool to disrobe and experience Walt Disney’s favorite ride up close and personal, but he ended up getting hauled out on his naked ass before he got the full experience. They stopped the ride to yell at the guy to get out, giving guests stuck inside a real eyeful. They were as divided as the whole country is politically. Half of the parents pointed to the naked man and told their kids that that was a naked man (“Don’t do drugs, kids! You could get too wasted and end up naked at Disneyland and then really regret it”). The other half pointed at him and told their kids it was a Democrat.

Trump is telling his cult followers that he’s going to eliminate Obamacare even though the Republicans have given up on that. He’s not really serious — he’s just throwing it at the wall to see if it sticks because it stuck before. He’s throwing Obama’s name out a lot too. Translation: That black guy.

Trump went to a college football game in South Carolina and got booed. Even the marching band booed him.

Marjorie Taylor Greene wrote a memoir and it flopped. Nobody bought it. Literally. Ba-dump-bump.

Fani Willis says there are three people who aren’t getting plea deals in Fulton County — Trump, Rudy and Mark Meadows. Ba-dump-bump.

Rupert Murdoch was deposed for the Smartmatic defamation lawsuit. They’re suing Fox like Dominion did for lying about their voting machines in the 2020 election — $2.7 billion. Ba-dump-bump.

Here’s a pleasant thought: Trump will be sitting in courtrooms for most of 2024 instead of campaigning. He doesn’t have a choice. He has to be present for his criminal trials. In about 90 days, from March through April he’ll have to listen to people testify to his face about what he did on January 6. People like Mark Meadows, Bill Barr, Mike Pence, acting cabinet members, former attorneys, and maybe his own kids. He’s facing 4 counts and if found guilty for one or all, the Democrats are going to Thump the Trump for being a convicted criminal who tried to overturn an election until election day. He’s supposed to appear in court on March 25 for the Stormy Daniels pay off trial — 34 felony counts. He could get 4 years maximum for each count. That date will have to be moved, possibly to May. Then the Fulton County RICO case could start on August 5.

Trump is a career criminal. His trials in 2024 are for crimes he committed before, during, and after he was president. He thinks he’s invincible and will get away with it all, because he always has. He thinks he’ll be president again, too. He’s as delusional as the people who vote for him. Biden and the courts are going to thump him good.

Thump the Trump.

Ba-dump-bump.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.