TikTok Laughingstock

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJun 21, 2020

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Red dot in a sea of blue

Trump’s comeback MAGA rally in Tulsa was a total flop. After bragging about 1 million registered, he walked into a venue that was 1/3 full. The stage that they built outside for him to speak to an overflow crowd of 40,000 was taken down immediately.

Take down!

Trump got taken down by TikTok teenagers who registered without any intention of showing up. They may not be able to vote, but they can troll, and THEY DID!

4 million 17 year olds will turn 18 before the November election.

Trump blamed the lack of attendance on protesters who scared the MAGAs and blocked them from getting in. That didn’t happen.

He played some of his greatest hits like a has been singer performing for a couple of drunks in a crummy lounge. He drank a glass of water to prove that he could, admitted that he told “his people” to slow down the coronavirus (which he referred to as the Kung Flu) testing so there wouldn’t be too many positive results, and encouraged the crowd to beat up his critics - “Our people are not nearly as violent. But if they ever were, it would be a terrible, terrible day for the other side, because I know our people. I know our people.”

The crowd chanted “Lock her up!” when Junior’s girlfriend spoke.

No wall or caravans. Just Antifa and lots of fat white people yawning.

“Half empty arena. Cancelled outdoor event. Tired racist schtick. I’ve never been less afraid of this chump than I am tonight.” — Bryan Behar

Campaign manager, Brad Parscale, knew he was in deep shit and tweeted: Radical protestors, fueled by a week of apocalyptic media coverage, interfered with Donald Trump’s supporters at the rally. They even blocked access to the metal detectors, preventing people from entering. Thanks to the 1,000s who made it anyway!

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Brad Parscale didn’t vote for Trump in 2016.

After the flopped rally was all over, Trump flew back to the White House and got off of Air Force One PISSED. He was sweating, slouching, his tie was undone and he was carrying his MAGA hat.

Liberal hippies had Woodstock. The Republicans have TikTok Laughingstock.

“He’s going to make Melania wear the Hillary wig tonight, isn’t he?” — Jeff Tiedrich

6 of Trump’s staffers working in Tulsa tested positive for coronavirus.

Earlier in the day, US Attorney for the Southern District of New York, Geoffrey Berman, the guy investigating the Trump campaign, Rudy Guiliani, Jared Kushner, Jeffrey Epstein, and other Trump mobsters, was fired by Barr who said that Trump fired him but Trump said he had nothing to do with it and that Barr fired him, and then Berman abruptly “resigned” — “In light of A. G. Barr’s decision to respect the normal operation of law and have Deputy U.S. Attorney Audrey Strauss become Acting U.S. Attorney, I will be leaving the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of New York, effective immediately.”

Florida’s coronavirus daily infection and death counts are sky high and getting higher with every passing day. Hospitals have already run out of ICU beds. Governor DeSantis blames the spike on Hispanics and says there is no way that he will shut the state down again, no matter how many people get infected and die. That’s why Trump wants the Republican National Convention held in Florida. Jacksonville has no guidelines for safety protections so Trump can make it look like the pandemic is long gone, plus he doesn’t have to worry about the governor screwing things up for him because he’s just like him.

Based on the record low numbers at Trump’s comeback MAGA rally, he may not get much of a crowd for the RNC either.

TikTok mother fucker.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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