Tough Guys

Spike Dolomite
4 min readOct 4, 2020

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Trump may be sick but he is well enough to keep scamming the public by directing the episode, “I’m in the Hospital” for his reality TV president show. He put out another video which has him looking TOUGH and STRONG and busy at work. They edited out his coughs. He put out a couple of photos of him signing a piece of paper, too. The paper was blank.

Nobody really knows what’s going on at Walter Reed Hospital. The spin doctors there and the White House doctors and Trump’s Chief of Staff Mark Meadows can’t get their stories straight. They won’t answer questions about timelines, fevers or Trump’s need for oxygen. They’ve screwed up the times and dates of his positive tests and diagnoses. 72 hours, 36 hours, what’s the difference? On the record, off the record, and a botched, unsigned official memo with spelling mistakes correcting something a doctor said. The messaging is horrendous. The only thing we know for certain is that Trump has now tainted the impeccable reputation of Walter Reed Hospital.

“Do you suppose Trump is mocking and shaming the doctors and nurses treating him for wearing masks?”- Keith A. Eddins

Will Trump’s team of 10 doctors Weekend at Bernie’s him if he dies before the election? Did he make them all sign nondisclosure agreements like he does everybody else?

Chris Christie tested positive and is in the hospital.

Trump’s personal assistant and director of Oval Office Operations, Nick Luna, has tested positive.

Tough guy Bill Barr refuses to quarantine himself after being exposed to the Trump Plague at the Amy Covid Barrett garden party. That’s homicidal negligence.

“Quarantining Bill Barr would save laws.” — George Conway

Melania is happy in isolation so she doesn’t have to deal with those “fucking kreeeesmus things.” She called the children of migrants who have been taken from their parents liars. She really doesn’t care. She doesn’t care if U do either.

The Democrat running against Senator Thom Tillis in North Carolina, Cal Cunningham, got outed for sexting to a strategist. Let the repugs go ahead and try and make a big deal out of that one. We’ve all seen the Third Lady naked. Tough luck.

Lindsey Graham bombed his debate with Jaime Harrison last night. Since South Carolina has a 32% positivity rate and Lindsey is always making out with Trump, Jaime Harrison brought his own plexiglas divider to put up around him to protect himself from Lindsey’s spit. When Lindsey bashed the Democratic party as a whole, “The people running the Democratic Party today are nuts,” Jaime came back with “The first step in terms of working with the other side is not to call the other side nuts.” Lindsey is not tough. He couldn’t find his nuts. He left them in Trump’s golf cart.

Mitch McConnell has refused to debate his election rival if there is a female moderator. He’s worried about his nuts.

“We are the party of the emancipation proclamation, not the emasculation proclamation” — Mike Huckabee

Meanwhile in Texas, Attorney General Ken Paxton is in big trouble for taking bribes and abusing his office. He has already been indicted on an unrelated matter. Oh, and he is co-chair of Lawyers for Trump. Tough nuts.

Has Trump getting the Trump Plague changed the behavior of the repugs? Hell no. None of the employees in the White House have been updated on what’s going on and are left to have to show up for work in a contaminated, dangerous environment. MAGAs are having maskless get well rallies without Dear Leader. Republicans are still holding campaign events with white people and no masks and Mike Pence is continuing on with his campaign plans for this week and will do rallies indoors, putting himself at risk when he could be in line to step in as president as Trump’s understudy.

The United States government is an absolute shit show, quasi run by a tyrannical conman from what could very well be his death bed.

“The senior leaders of our government are the most reckless and irresponsible collection of people anywhere in the world.” — Matthew Miller

30 days until we get to vote.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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