Trading Places

Spike Dolomite
4 min readDec 1, 2022

Kevin McCarthy and Mitch McConnell traded places with an empty podium to finally face reporters asking them to condemn Trump’s meeting with a Nazi. They both wouldn’t say Trump’s name, just that Republicans shouldn’t hang around Nazis.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Even though Republicans hate everybody who isn’t straight, white, and male, they have allowed Latinos Enrique Tarrio and Nick Fuentes into their whites only club along with “former” gay man Milo Yiannopoulos and trans woman Jessica Watkins. To round it out, they’ve taken Herschel Walker out of Texas to be their token black man to trade places with Trump. They want him in the Senate to tell him how to vote.

Would Republicans leave the Jews, trans teens, drag queens, black men, and immigrants alone if they walked around with guns hanging out praising Republican Jesus?

In other anti-Semitic news, a Jewish mom at Longleaf Elementary in Florida was told that she couldn’t do the Hanukkah presentation in her kid’s 5th grade classroom that she’s been doing for years because it could violate DeSantis’s Parents’ Bill of Rights Law. She’s been going into her kids’ classes every year at this time to share books, games and food (kids love potato latkes, who wouldn’t?). She complained so the principal agreed to meet with her to go over everything in her lesson plan. He might be able to admit it under their holidays around the world lesson but parents may have to be notified in advance that their kids will be learning from and about the Jews so they can have their children trade places with an empty chair if they want their anti-Semitic beliefs respected.

Conspiracy theorists Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman got a slap on their spoiled white boy wrists for defrauding 85,000 black voters before the 2020 election when they made robocalls with false information such as the cops will use mail in ballot information to find people with warrants, the credit card companies will use them to track down people who are late on their bills, and the CDC will use them to enforce mandatory vaccines. They got to trade places with anybody who isn’t white and male and only got 6 months home confinement and 500 hours of community service. They could have gone to jail for a year. If they hadn’t pleaded guilty they could have gone to jail for 18 years.

Jacob Wohl is another shitty young white male MAGA Republican, the same age as Trump’s anti-Semitic dinner guest, Nick Fuentes. He and his partner in several other crimes, conservative lobbyist Jack Burkman, also tried to frame public figures with fake sexual assaults. Some of their victims have been Robert Mueller, Pete Buttigieg, Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, Ilhan Omar, and Dr. Anthony Fauci. His dad is a MAGA Republican attorney so that may be why he keeps lucking out and never having to pay for his crimes. His dad goes on Fox News regularly to spread conspiracy theories.

Another young MAGA Republican male not worthy of membership in Gen Z, Congressboy Madison Cawthorn, finally showed up to work before his last day to make a speech on the House floor about shitty alpha males like himself, Jacob Wohl, and Nick Fuentes. “Our young men are taught that being a soft metrosexual is more valuable than training the mind, body and soul. I ask the young men of this nation: Will you reclaim your masculinity? Will you become a man to be feared?” Is he speaking for all shitty young white men or just the ones who go into public places and shoot people with AR-15s?

Fox News put Mike Pence on their casting couch, flanked by four bare legged Fox models, to tell him how much everybody loves him, even Democrats. Mother, his wife, glared off camera, wanting to trade places with those four sets of clean shaven, lotioned, fake tanned legs. She wants Mike in between her legs, not theirs. Mike Pence gets a participation trophy for doing his job on January 6. He’s not a hero and he knows it. He’d never trade places with a real hero because he’s too weak, too gutless, too pathetic and Mother knows it. Mother may I?

The Democratic-led committee, House Ways and Means Committee, is finally in possession of six years of Trump’s federal tax returns. The IRS finally sent them over. Now Trump is finally going to get his taxes audited.

Joel Greenberg gets sentenced today on federal charges. Prosecutors are asking for 9–11 years even though he’s committed enough crimes to put him away for life because he has given up information on 27 other criminals including public figures. 8 were involved in sex crimes. Some of the other charges he’s facing are for stalking, defrauding the SBA with a COVID relief scam, running crypto business out of his tax collector office, identity theft (making fake IDs using personal information he pilfered from his job), sex with a minor, sex trafficking, wire fraud, and MORE!

Matt Gaetz might want to trade places with just about anybody right now. He could be one of the 27.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.