Trail of French Fries

Spike Dolomite
5 min readSep 5, 2022

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So far, the total number of documents that Trump has stolen is 11,000. Most were not classified. Some were military secrets and some weren’t even from his time in office. Nothing has been recovered after the election in 2020. Trump must still have those.

More detailed inventory of what the FBI took out of Mar-a-Lago has been released — 7 top secret documents, 43 empty classified folders, 28 empty military folders labeled “return to staff secretary/military aide.” Very scary stuff that could be in the hands of our enemies.

Mark Meadows freaked out after the news broke that the FBI had more documents so he turned over more texts and emails to the National Archives that he had been holding on to. He had already turned over 2,300 text messages to the Select Committee that covered the period between Election Day 2020 and Joe Biden’s inauguration.

Bill Barr went on Fox and called Trump out for taking top secret docs. Barr is taking every opportunity he can to distance himself from Trump even though by protecting and enabling Trump for 2 years he contributed to this outcome.

The latest story Trump has told explaining why he had classified documents at Mar-a-Lago is that he needed that stuff for his presidential library. This is his 8th excuse. He’s never mentioned his library before. An old adult book store in Manhattan is the only suitable structure for his library. Empty Diet Coke cans, Big Mac containers and a bottle of ketchup on an empty desk, MAGA hats for sale, his toupee, Fox News on one large screen, porn on another, classified and top secret documents strewn about the floor, and the orange jump suit he wore in jail. That’s all that should be in Trump’s library.

People go to jail just for mishandling top secret documents and not following proper procedures on reviewing and returning them and Trump is still golfing, doing rallies, and watching porn.

Trump did his first MAGA rally since the FBI raided Mar-a-Lago in Pennsylvania. He incriminated himself once again by admitting that he had the classified documents but that they belonged to him and the FBI are evil monsters for going through his stuff. He was supposed to be there to endorse Dr Oz and Doug Mastriano for their races in Pennsylvania but to no one’s surprise he ranted on and on for nearly an hour. He hammered on Hillary’s emails and got the crowd to chant “lock her up” on cue as if they didn’t know that he’s being investigated for way more than emails and is about to be indicted for being a spy. He called President Biden an “enemy of the state.” He called for drug dealers and users to be executed (his oldest son is a drug addict who regulary livestreams on social media, wasted out of his mind, to accuse the Democrats and Joe Biden of everything his dad has done) and accused John Fetterman of being a drug addict who uses all of the worst illicit drugs. He said “weirdo” Mark Zuckerberg came to the White House last week and kissed his ass. He still thinks he’s president and lives in the White House.

The campaign rally was held in Wilkes-Barre, 2 hours north of where President Biden gave his speech 2 days earlier and where he called Trump out by name and accused MAGA Republicans of being a threat to democracy.

MAGA Republicans are acting like Joe Biden is a radical extremist after that speech when they’re the ones who tried to overthrow the government.

MAGA Republicans had a fit that Biden made his speech with two Marines standing in the background. They’re also obsessed with the red lighting that was used and called it “satanic.” They wear red hats.

Trump called out the National Guard to “defend” the Lincoln Memorial during BLM protests, used the military to throw a Fourth of July celebration in his honor like a dictator, and literally positioned two Marines inside the White House to open the door for him so he could make an entrance for a campaign ad.

MAGAs are offended that Biden called them fascists. Some of them in Idaho are terrorizing a public library, demanding that books be removed that aren’t even there. As a result, one librarian has resigned, their insurance company canceled them because they are high risk, and board meetings have had to be moved next to the sheriff’s office because too many fascists crash the meetings with guns and Bibles, demanding the banning of books which is fascist as hell.

Nazis marched in the streets of Indiana over Labor Day weekend.

Allen West, former member of Congress in Florida and chair of the GOP in Texas tweeted out a photo of himself in a Knights Templar robe proudly announcing his standing in the group. The Knights Templar is a faction of the KKK which was disbanded by the POPE. Allen West is Black. The Sovereign Military Order of the Temple of Jerusalem Knights Templar is aligned with Mike Flynn and Erik Prince. They want a Holy War and they want to make a lot of money off of it.

The FBI searched Russian oligarch Viktor Vekselberg’s two residences in America — one in Florida and one in New York and seized his yacht. He is accused of money laundering and bank fraud. He has given Trump over a million dollars. One check was written to the LLC that Michael Cohen set up before the 2016 election. He attended the inauguration and sat next to Cohen at a dinner. Ten days later Cohen signed a $1 million contract which gave Vekselberg’s company, Columbus Nova, direct access to Trump for $100,000 a month. They would meet in Trump Tower. Vekselberg was at the Bank of Cyprus when Trump’s Secretary of Commerce, Wilbur Ross ran it. Vekselberg and his business partner, sanctioned Russian oligarch Len Blavatnik, owned a company called Renova. It was first designated by the US Treasury Department on April 6, 2018, a year after Steve Mnuchin became Treasury Secretary (and sold his shares of his movie company to Blavatnik). Blavatnik donated over $7 million to Republicans Pete Sessions, Scott Walker, Ron DeSantis, Mitch McConnell, and Kevin McCarthy. What were the feds looking for in Vekselberg’s houses? Evidence that he paid for access to Trump on behalf of Russia via his inauguration fund? Anything related to Rudy Giuliani? Classified documents? Empty Big Mac containers with Trump’s gunky ketchup fingerprints on them and a trail of french fries?

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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