Trump 2020

America’s birthday started out with everybody praying for a great flood to wash Trump away, down into the gutters and sewers of DC.

It was a religious experience. Even for the intellectual atheist liberals. A great flood that drowns out evil and saves democracy? Maybe there really is a God! Bring on the frogs and locusts!

It looked like We the People’s prayers were answered there for awhile when a dark cloud dumped rain on the mall and the National Weather Service issued a flash flood warning for the area. The Capitol Police evacuated the Capitol lawn because of lightning but Trump’s event crew plodded along, in the pouring rain, surrounded by metal and electrical cords. Would he cancel the whole thing and blame it on the rain? There weren’t very many people there. He promised a huge crowd. He could have backed out and saved face but he already had part of the campaign video in the can. He needed a few more shots.

About a half hour before he was scheduled to take the stage and make the greatest speech ever in the history of the world, he tweeted, “Weather looking good, clearing rapidly and temperatures going down fast.” It was raining like a mother and he’s telling people it’s not.

It worked. The trolls and slugs came out from the woodwork and underneath rocks to sit in the rain and listen to his bullshit. The Qanon freaks showed up looking for JFK Jr. They were told that he had faked his death, was a Republican, and was going to appear at Trump’s shit show. The Proud Boys got there late. They were busy beating people up in front of the White House.

It wasn’t enough. There weren’t enough suckers to fill the shot so Trump had the National Mall webcams turned off so nobody could see the real crowd. He didn’t want people to point to it later after he released the photo shopped images of Obama’s crowd that he planned on passing of as his crowd.

He stuck to his fifth grade script except he screwed up and said that the army overtook the airports in the Revolutionary War.

He encouraged all of the kids watching to join the military. It’s a great thing to do! In other words, sign up today so I can get you killed tomorrow!

Nobody in the Trump family has served in the military. 5 generations, 150 years, 2 World Wars — nobody.

Reminder: Trump blew off making an appearance at the American cemetery in France where WWI service men were buried because it rained. He sat in his hotel room because he didn’t want to get wet. Salute to America was different. He showed up in the rain because this was for himself and he really needed that shot for his Trump 2020 video.

He showed up with Melania who was wearing a sheer white dress and no bra. She got really wet from the rain so Trump got to sneak in a wet t-shirt contest with one contestant. Another one for the history books. Everybody got to see the Third Lady’s nipples.

He made his speech in the rain, behind a giant bullet proof shield in case any resisters showed up to shoot him. Such symbolism — a protective barrier to keep the snowflakes who don’t have guns from shooting you.

The Blue Angels made it after all. Everybody there loved it. Of course they did because the Blue Angels are cool. Everybody who wasn’t there was bummed because damn, he got the Blue Angels after all.

More symbolism — average American taxpayers footed the bill for the gawdy Celebration of Trump but got nowhere near the stage. That area was cordoned off for VIPs, big donors, and anybody Trump could make money off of. To keep the commoners out, Trump had chain link fencing installed that even went across the reflection pool. He didn’t want any protesters to come at him through the pool like they did when Nixon tried a stunt like this. Chain link fence in water with lightning to keep America out…..the symbol of the Trump era.

Ordinary people couldn’t see the tanks and military equipment either. VIPs only.

“This whole 4th July thing is turning into a giant re-enactment at taxpayer expense of the Maxwell Smart ‘Would you believe — two boy scouts in a row boat?’ sketch” — David Frum

“Most pathetic thing about Trump’s military parade is how small it is. Dictators around the world are snickering. What, like two tanks? That’s more like the annual ‘touch-a-truck’ fundraiser for my son’s pre-school.” — Jeff Sharlet

He got the Salute to America video up on Twitter right away. He piggybacked on an existing celebration for the crowd and backdrop and used taxpayer money to pay for it. He defaced a sacred national monument on the day that Americans celebrate their independence for a Trump 2020 campaign video.

“It is the worst possible statement against us as a nation and people that we haven’t overthrown him yet.” Mikal Gilmore

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.