Trump and the Buttholes Treason Band
The big news over the weekend was Tucker Carlson got smacked down by a fisherman which dominated social media, pushing Trump’s super spreader event in Arizona out of the way, and Adam Kinzinger accepted Nancy Pelosi’s invitation to be on the select committee to investigate the attack on the Capitol, pushing the Republiqans up their own buttholes. There wasn’t much of an audience for Trump and the Buttholes Treason Band this weekend and the tip jar was empty.
The Sunday morning news shows, which are usually dominated by Republican guests, only featured 2 yesterday — Pat Toomey and Rob Portman and they’re both retiring. They’re leaving the band. The other bandmates didn’t want to take a chance on being asked about the Republiqan party’s about face on the pandemic of the unvaccinated and mentally ill and the future of the band.
Phil Valentine, an anti-vaxxer conservative radio host in Tennessee who has given all sorts of free radio time to the Trump and the Buttholes Treason Band is hogging a bed in the critical care unit of his local hospital because he’s got covid. The shock jock is shocked.
Tom Cotton, senator from one of the red hot covid states, would really love to be in the Trump and the Buttholes Treason Band but he can’t play anything but the banjo so he has had to settle for being a roadie instead. In order to get noticed by the crowd he’ll say dumb desperate things like, “If you just turn these decisions over to a bunch of public health bureaucrats, of course the only thing they’re gonna consider is what they think is in the best interest of public health.”
One of the only girls in the band, Governor Ivey of Alabama, is so inept at governing through a public health crisis that she’s going beyond blaming her constituents for the high covid numbers to blaming the media for not reporting “the facts.” Trump wanted her to stand at the back of the stage to play the tambourine out of sight because she’s not hot, but she jumped up front and grabbed the mic to get the crowd all fired up with “BLAME THE MEDIA!” She dove right into the covid infested crowd expecting to be carried by the many hands that have been carrying them all along but they didn’t catch her and she landed with a fart and a thud.
Republican congressman Clay Higgins from Louisiana had to leave the band for a little while because he has covid AGAIN. He’s calling it the “Chinese Communist Party biological attack weaponized virus” and is writing a song about it. The band expects it to be a hit.
Groupies for the Trump and the Buttholes Treason Band showed up at Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles to protest their mask policy and harass doctors and breast cancer patients going in and out of the hospital. They sprayed one patient with bear spray and punched her in the chest where her scars are. Sock ‘n Troll!
There has been a 211% increase in covid cases in one month in Missouri and people still want to go hear Trump and the Buttholes Treason Band play in an enclosed, unmasked, no vaccine allowed venue. 10 kids in Mississippi are on ventilators because their parents are groupies. Dipshits in the south with the power to get people vaccinated are refusing any help because they don’t want Democrats telling them what to do. They don’t listen to libtard music.
Trump had another super spreader MAGA rally in Arizona. Concert in concert. The first groupie to be sacrificed for their loyalty to the leader of the band was Herman Cain (he was black so see! Trump isn’t racist!) He contracted it at a MAGA rally where Trump was campaigning on covid was a left wing hoax. Now Trump killing is killing concert goers off with the delta variant in Arizona. The band’s promoters can’t afford to lose any more ticket buyers (voters) in Arizona.
A fisherman in Montana approached Tucker Carlson in a bait shop over the weekend to tell him he was no fan of the Trump and the Buttholes Treason Band. He told him to his face that he was the worst person in the world. Someone filmed it on their phone and the video blew up the internet because everybody but the band’s audience feels the same way.
The January 6 select committee is going to get to work this week. Time to put members of Trump’s staff and Congress under oath. Give Trump and the Buttholes Treason Band the stage so everybody can watch the pyrotechnics consume the band and stage on live TV. Americans will learn the truth but covid patients on their hospital death beds will feebly lift their arms up to give the Devil Horns sign and yell, “Long live Donald Trump!”
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