Trump Harbor

Spike Dolomite
4 min readApr 7, 2020

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Over 11,000 Americans have died from the coronavirus. SO FAR.

New York has now confirmed 130,689 coronavirus cases and 4,758 deaths. The skyline of New York City flickers with red lights of countless ambulances. Makeshift hospitals are popping up all over the place. Officials are preparing to temporarily bury the dead in parks because mortuaries are overwhelmed.

The UK’s prime minister Boris Johnson is in the ICU sick with the coronavirus. The deputy PM has been deputized. Trump took advantage of this by plugging his drug yesterday in his infomercial. He told reporters that they called Boris Johnson’s doctors to recommend that he take it. Then he accused an Asian reporter of “working for China” and another, Jon Karl, of being a third rate reporter -“What you just said is a disgrace. You will never make it (he’s already made it. He has an Emmy.)” He said the Democrats “shouldn’t be allowed to win” the election because of how good a job he’s done.

Trump says Democrats were “artificially stopped” by the virus. What does that even mean?

Has anybody heard from Rand Paul? Where do Libertarians stand when it comes to rapid spreading viral diseases? Is it every man for himself? Should the government stay out of it? Whose ventilator is it anyway?

The surgeon general calls this our Pearl Harbor moment. 2400 Americans died at Pearl Harbor, about 1/3 of the coronavirus death toll to date. Also, the coronavirus wasn’t a sneak attack like Pearl Harbor was. Trump knew it was coming and kept that information from the public for political purposes. He did nothing. This is no Pearl Harbor. This is happening because Trump harbor’s ill will towards everybody but himself. This is our Trump Harbor.

Spin Doctor Birx didn’t treat her granddaughter’s fever for fear of picking something up and giving it to Trump. She chose that bloated hunk of moldy processed cheese over her own granddaughter. Duty over family or just plain Trump style shitty?

Speaking of cheese, even though people have been instructed to stay at home in Wisconsin, voters are lined up today for their primary election after the Republican dominated Supreme Court ruled that the state can’t extend absentee voting, upholding the Republican dominated Wisconsin Supreme Court’s ruling that the governor can’t postpone the election. The Republicans have won a major deadly victory in suppressing the vote, forcing people to risk their lives today to vote or not vote at all. In blue city Milwaukee, there are only 5 polling places open (down from 180) because volunteer poll workers have said NO WAY to sitting in a room filled with infected people on top of the Republicans getting the number of polling places reduced for “safety” reasons. This is the most blatant act of voter suppression in recent history, sanctioned by the highest courts. Republicans have sentenced voters to possible death in Wisconsin. You can vote, but it could cost you.

Hospital workers are standing out in the cold holding cardboard signs demanding that they be given protective equipment to do their jobs. They want people to stop calling them heroes. They just want to be safe at work.

Grocery workers are starting to die. They don’t want to be referred to as heroes either. They just want $20/hour and benefits.

We live in a country where demonized, exploited, under paid immigrants have no choice but to continue to grow and harvest our food, grocery clerks are dying to keep us fed, doctors and nurses are denied protective covering to keep us alive and are dying as a result, and teachers are getting shot at school because Congress refuses to pass gun legislation.

Republicans are killing people.

This will go down in history as one of the greatest failures in American history. After the virus passes through, people who voted for Trump and stuck by him until the end will try and slink away like the people who supported Hitler did. Don’t let them.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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