Trump Rebellion — The Day After

Spike Dolomite
6 min readJan 8, 2021

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Trump’s attempted coup using conspiracy believing white supremacist devotees was the worst attack on the Capitol since 1812. Joe Biden called it “one of the darkest days in the history of our nation.” He called Trump out for the all out assault on our democracy. He went down the list of all of the attacks on all of our institutions, systems, traditions, laws, and constitution and called for justice for the country and future generations by pledging to hold Trump and everybody who aided him accountable for what they’ve done. Then he introduced his choice for attorney general, Merrick Garland, Barack Obama’s choice for the Supreme Court, who got the shaft because Mitch McConnell wouldn’t let the Senate vote on him. After introducing him and other picks for the justice department he told them that they don’t work for him and that he expects complete autonomy and loyalty to the law.

5 people died at the Trump Rebellion, including one Capitol Police officer who was bludgeoned in the head with a fire extinguisher and a QAnon nut who is now being hailed as a hero because she was a vet.

55 people have been arrested so far. One was armed and had 11 molotov cocktails. 2 pipe bombs didn’t go off that were placed in front of the DNC and RNC. Nancy Pelosi’s gavel and lectern plus Senator Jeff Merkley’s laptop were stolen. They brought weapons and zip ties and were planning on taking hostages. One of them was Mike Pence. They could be heard yelling, “Where’s Mike Pence?” Trump knew they were looking for Pence but he didn’t care enough to inquire about his well being.

At least 60 Capitol Police officers were injured. 15 were hospitalized and one died. Many of them were hit in the head with lead pipes by white people who weren’t afraid of the them because they think the cops work for them.

Trump and his family watched the video of MAGAs getting pumped up from inside of a tent. Junior posted video of how excited they all were. “Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!”

Nancy Pelosi said the acting Secretary of Defense “has to answer for where the National Guard was yesterday.”

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Trump wouldn’t let the National Guard be called out so Pence somehow took it upon himself to deploy them. Now Trump is taking credit for it.

Republican Derrick Evans, lawmaker from West Virginia, was there and posted a video of himself and now he’s being pressured to resign.

Ginni Thomas, wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, endorsed the coup.

Corona Mommathai, a lieutenant from the Bexar County Sherriff’s Department in San Antonio, Texas was one of the rioters. She posted pictures of herself on social media, bragging about her conquest. She said it was one of the best days of her life.

Both Sergeant of Arms in the House and Senate have resigned.

The Chief of the Capitol Police has resigned.

Cabinet members and staff members resigned including Elaine Chao (Mitch McConnell’s wife,) and Betsy DeVos.

As people resign Trump is talking about pardoning himself.

4,110 people died of covid yesterday.

Some Republicans are jumping ship hoping that if they distance themselves from Trump now people will forget about how they enabled him for 4 years. Others are blaming Antifa for the trouble at the capitol and the rest (8 senators and 139 representatives) have officially signed off on overturning democracy altogether. They are: Tommy Tuberville, Ala., Rick Scott, Fla., Roger Marshall, Kan., John Kennedy, La., Cindy Hyde-Smith, Miss., Josh Hawley, Mo., Ted Cruz, Texas, Cynthia Lummis, Wyo. in the Senate. In the House: Robert B. Aderholt, Ala., Mo Brooks, Ala., Jerry Carl, Ala., Barry Moore, Ala. Gary Palmer, Ala., Mike Rogers, Ala., Andy Biggs, Ariz., Paul Gosar, Ariz., Debbie Lesko, Ariz., David Schweikert, Ariz., Rick Crawford, Ark., Ken Calvert, Calif., Mike Garcia, Calif., Darrell Issa, Calif., Doug LaMalfa, Calif., Kevin McCarthy, Calif., Devin Nunes, Calif., Jay Obernolte, Calif., Lauren Boebert, Colo., Doug Lamborn, Colo., Kat Cammack, Fla., Mario Diaz-Balart, Fla., Byron Donalds, Fla., Neal Dunn, Fla., Scott Franklin, Fla., Matt Gaetz, Fla., Carlos Gimenez, Fla., Brian Mast, Fla., Bill Posey, Fla., John Rutherford, Fla., Greg Steube, Fla., Daniel Webster, Fla., Rick Allen, Ga., Earl L. “Buddy” Carter, Ga., Andrew Clyde, Ga., Marjorie Taylor Greene, Ga., Jody Hice, Ga., Barry Loudermilk, Ga., Russ Fulcher, Idaho, Mike Bost, Ill., Mary Miller, Ill., Jim Baird, Ind., Jim Banks, Ind., Greg Pence, Ind., Jackie Walorski, Ind., Ron Estes, Kan., Jacob LaTurner, Kan., Tracey Mann, Kan., Harold Rogers, Ky., Garret Graves, La., Clay Higgins, La., Mike Johnson, La., Steve Scalise, La., Andy Harris, Md., Jack Bergman, Mich., Lisa McClain, Mich., Tim Walberg, Mich., Michelle Fischbach, Minn., Jim Hagedorn, Minn., Michael Guest, Miss., Trent Kelly, Miss., Steven Palazzo, Miss., Sam Graves, Mo., Vicky Hartzler, Mo., Billy Long, Mo., Blaine Luetkemeyer, Mo., Jason Smith, Mo., Matt Rosendale, Mont., Dan Bishop, N.C., Ted Budd, N.C., Madison Cawthorn, N.C., Virginia Foxx, N.C., Richard Hudson, N.C., Gregory F. Murphy, N.C., David Rouzer, N.C., Jeff Van Drew, N.J., Yvette Herrell, N.M., Chris Jacobs, N.Y., Nicole Malliotakis, N.Y., Elise M. Stefanik, N.Y., Lee Zeldin, N.Y., Adrian Smith, Neb. Steve Chabot, Ohio Warren Davidson, Ohio, Bob Gibbs, Ohio Bill Johnson, Ohio Jim Jordan, Ohio, Stephanie Bice, Okla., Tom Cole, Okla., Kevin Hern, Okla., Frank Lucas, Okla., Markwayne Mullin, Okla., Cliff Bentz, Ore., John Joyce, Pa., Fred Keller, Pa., Mike Kelly, Pa., Daniel Meuser, Pa., Scott Perry, Pa., Guy Reschenthaler, Pa., Lloyd Smucker, Pa., Glenn Thompson, Pa., Jeff Duncan, S.C. Ralph Norman, S.C., Tom Rice, S.C., William Timmons, S.C., Joe Wilson, S.C., Tim Burchett, Tenn., Scott DesJarlais, Tenn., Chuck Fleischmann, Tenn., Mark E. Green, Tenn., Diana Harshbarger, Tenn., David Kustoff, Tenn., John Rose, Tenn., Jodey Arrington, Texas, Brian Babin, Texas,, Michael C. Burgess, Texas, John R. Carter, Texas, Michael Cloud, Texas, Pat Fallon, Texas, Louie Gohmert, Texas, Lance Gooden, Texas, Ronny Jackson, Texas, Troy Nehls, Texas, August Pfluger, Texas, Pete Sessions, Texas, Beth Van Duyne, Texas, Randy Weber, Texas, Roger Williams, Texas, Ron Wright, Texas, Burgess Owens, Utah, Chris Stewart, Utah, Ben Cline, Va., Bob Good, Va., Morgan Griffith, Va., Robert J. Wittman, Va., Carol Miller, W.Va., Alexander X. Mooney, W.Va., Scott Fitzgerald, Wis., and Tom Tiffany, Wis.

Because of his leadership in the government takeover, Senator Josh Hawley has lost the support of his wealthiest donors, his book publisher Simon & Schuster cancelled the publication of his book, his mentor, former Missouri Senator John Danforth, regrets helping him build his career and said that supporting him was “The biggest mistake I’ve ever made,” and both major papers in Missouri have called upon him to resign.

Trump’s followers are living in an alternative reality. Society is divided between believers and nonbelievers. Republicans need to tell them the truth NOW or they are apt to do anything for Trump.

Trump is insane, impulsive, sadistic and filled with narcissistic rage. He has no conscience. He is extremely dangerous. He’s apt to do anything in the next 12 days.

He’s just going to get worse. He needs to be removed immediately. Trump’s niece, Mary Trump, said if Trump isn’t impeached and removed we’re in trouble.

“I talked to a source, a GOP source close to the president who speaks with him regularly, and I take no pleasure in reporting this, but this source tells me that he believes the president is out of his mind.” — Jim Acosta

Both the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader, Chuck Schumer have called for the 25th amendment or impeachment. We can’t afford 12 more days of this.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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