Trump the Great

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJan 19, 2020


Trump has been wandering around Mar-A-Lago asking people why everybody is picking on him. He doesn’t get why he’s being impeached. He’s Donald J. Trump! The greatest man in the history of the world! Greater than Alexander the Great!

Adam Schiff went on ABC this morning and said that the intelligence community is starting to keep documents from Congress per Trump the Great’s request.

The intelligence community is scared of Trump. They don’t tell him things because they don’t want to upset him and they’d like everybody else to do the same. Oh great.

Some rules are starting to emerge for the impeachment trial. One of them is that the press must keep its distance from the senators. Reporters won’t be allowed to talk to great and powerful senators in the halls of Congress like they always have (and then be called a liberal hack by the likes of unelected Republican hacks like Martha McSally.) Moscow Mitch is going to do everything he can to keep cameras out of the hearing room and is preparing a resolution right now that give’s Trump’s rag tag team of lawyers to move to dismiss impeachment charges right away. Oh great.

Trump’s so called legal team is calling impeachment a “dangerous attack on the right of the American people to freely choose their president” and the Democrats are all at fault. Hey America! The Democrats are trying to take your right to elect your own president away! Um, no. That would be Russia. Trump isn’t even being impeached for that. So many abuses, offenses and crimes, so little time.

Make America great my ass.

“Something disturbing is about to happen: The Senate is poised to make a monumental decision about the office of the presidency, while knowing full well that much of the sordid tale has not even been told.” — Kim Wehle

George Stephanopoulos asked Alan Dershowitz, “Is it your position that President Trump should not be impeached even if all the evidence and arguments laid out by the House are accepted as fact?” His answer? “That’s right.”

Why are these guys defending Trump? It’s not like they’ll get paid or anything. And it’s not like they think Trump is that great, either.

“When tRump’s time in court finally comes, do you think he’ll go with a Weinstein walker or a Cosby cane?” — Hamish Mitchell

Chris Collins, the first member of Congress to endorse Trump the Great, was just sentenced to 26 months in jail.

Devin Nunes keeps suing people. He’s threatening to sue fellow congressmember Ted Lieu if he doesn’t take back what he said about Devin Nunes and Lev Parnas conspiring to undermine the US government. Ted responded by sending a short letter to Nunes’ attorney which recommended that Devin Nunes listen to the texts, emails and memos by Lev Parnas plus watch the Rachel Maddow interview. He concluded by telling Devin Nunes that he could shove it. Yes, shove it. In writing. Ted is a great guy.

As Trump wanders around Mar-A-Lago this weekend, looking for sympathy, he has had time to tweet: The so-called “Supreme Leader” of Iran, who has not been so Supreme lately, had some nasty things to say about the United States and Europe. Their economy is crashing, and their people are suffering. He should be very careful with his words!

And this: A massive 200 Billion Dollar Sea Wall, built around New York to protect it from rare storms, is a costly, foolish & environmentally unfriendly idea that, when needed, probably won’t work anyway. It will also look terrible. Sorry, you’ll just have to get your mops & buckets ready!

At this point, only 53 people are keeping a madman in power — the Republicans in the Senate.

That’s just great.

“Good and great are seldom in the same man” ― Winston S. Churchill

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.