Trump’s Visit from the FBI is Funny as Hell

Spike Dolomite
3 min readAug 9, 2022


Finally! The moment we’ve all been waiting for! The FBI got a search warrant and spent the day at Mar-a-Lago yesterday while Trump was in New York, 48 years to the day that Nixon resigned. They weren’t there because of his relationship with Russia or that he tried to overtake the US government with a coup. They were there because he stole 15 boxes of highly classified top secret information when he left office in disgrace. Everybody who has been waiting for Trump to finally get his due feels like a drum major on the 4th of July. My country ’tis of thee, sweet land of Liberace! Woot!!!!!! Finally!

A moment of silence for the agents who got stuck having to pull shit out of Trump’s toilet. A photo went viral yesterday of torn paper in a Trump toilet. One piece had, “Stefanik” written on it in Trump’s hand writing in bold black Sharpie.

Elise Stefanik has sunk so low in the Republican party that she ended up at the bottom of Trump’s toilet, where she belongs.

Federal search warrants are nothing to laugh at (the GOP and Fox News are totally freaking out over this). It’s an arduous process and the DOJ would never have done it if they didn’t have a ton of evidence because even though he’s a piece of shit, he’s a piece of shit that was the 45th president of the United States. This is the first time in our history that a former president has been searched by the FBI. The burden to get a search warrant on a former president is impossibly high which means Trump is some deep, deep shit.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Kevin McCarthy threatened Attorney General Merrick Garland in a tweet after the news broke. He said that they’re going to investigate him once they take control of the House so “hold on to your records.”

Republican Senator Rick Scott went on Fox and said the FBI raiding Mar-a-Lago is like the Nazis and the Soviet Union and Latin American dictatorships!

“Guys, I’m pissed! This is Gestapo crap, and it will not stand!” — Lauren Boebert

Sean Hannity was so nervous on his show he said, “If you are associated with Donald Trump in any way, you better cross all your i’s and dot all your t’s.” Sean is crossing his i’s like gimmicky, conservative, gay, devout Catholic Liberace right before he gave Pope Pius XII a private show.

Ronna McDaniel, Chair of the RNC, went on Fox & Friends to ask people to fight back against the FBI’s raid of Mar-a-Lago by donating to Herschel Walker. “President Trump is right when he compared this to Watergate.”

Trump makes Watergate look like Liberace giving Pope Pius XII a private show.

Reporters said that the FBI agents dressed to “blend in” at Mar-a-Lago. How do you blend in at Mar-a-Lago? Like Liberace giving Pope Pius XII a private show.

“The former president of the United States did not handle classified documents properly. I watched him do it…I watched him go through documents, throw some away, rip some up and put some in his pocket.” — Former Press Secretary, Stephanie Grisham

Trump is still telling people that he’s president. He says his followers will raise hell if the feds keep messing with him which is doubtful now that they’re starting to go to jail for raising hell for him on January 6. His shitty lawyers aren’t going to be much help to him now. All of the good lawyers want nothing to do with him.

“The left thinks this is hilarious.” — Dan Bongino, right wing radio host

Watching the FBI take Trump’s Liberace palace over is hilarious. Watching Trump go down is belly laugh, honk out loud, pee your pants funny as hell. It’s going to be hysterical watching Trump take the GOP, Fox, and the MAGAs down, down, down under……straight to hell. Ha!



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.