Tucking Idiots

Spike Dolomite
4 min readOct 22, 2020

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Irony of all ironies — while Rudy is lying again trying to push out a story that Hunter Biden has child porn on his hard drive, a scene in the new Borat movie that comes out tomorrow on Amazon features a scene of Rudy lying on a bed with his hands in his pants thinking he’s about to get laid by a teenager. Rudy’s excuse was he was just tucking his shirt in. Isn’t that erection fraud? Go tuck yourself, Rudy.

After the first Borat movie came out Rudy bragged about Sacha Baron Cohen not being able to get him.

If a comedian can compromise Rudy so easily just think what the Russians can do.

Mitch McConnell’s state, Kentucky, has tuck in it. Ew.

There’s supposed to be a presidential debate tonight but Trump has been bitching about it being unfair because it will be virtual and the moderator will be able to mute him if he pulls the same crap he did in the first debate by running overtime and attacking Joe personally since he can’t run on his own record so he just may as well say, “Tuck it” and blow it off.

White House spokesman Brian Morgenstern said that the 545 orphans that the government created aren’t wanted by their parents. They tried to give them back but the parents said tuck ‘em.

ICE is using swift deportation authority to round up anybody who can’t prove that they have been in the country for more than 2 years so they can deport them without a hearing. Why? Trump’s already got the immigrant haters vote.

Obama did a drive up rally in Philadelphia and compared Trump to your crazy uncle. He called him out for his Chinese bank account — “Can you imagine if I had a secret Chinese bank account? They’d call me Beijing Barry,” “I get that this president wants full credit for the economy he inherited and zero blame for the pandemic that he ignored,” “We literally left this White House a pandemic playbook — they probably used it to prop up a wobbly table somewhere.” The crowd loved him. People watched the video and wept, remembering the good old days when we had a president who was cool, extremely intelligent, funny, competent and had a large vocabulary. Trump watched the video and screamed at the TV “TUCK YOU!!!!!!!”

Democrats in Florida, Alaska, Arizona and Pennsylvania have received threatening emails supposedly from the Proud Boys telling them that if they dont’t re-register as Republicans and vote for Trump they’re going to tuck them up.

Trump’s campaign operative, John Ratcliffe, who also happens to be the director of National Intelligence, held a bizarre press conference with FBI director Christopher Wray as a prop to say that they have intelligence that Iran and Russia have been interfering with our election by trying to intimidate voters in order to hurt Trump. Tuck off, Ratcliffe. Foreign interference in our election isn’t news so what’s the deal? Trump put Ratcliffe up to this so he could claim that if he loses it’s because, in part, that Iran was out to get him. If this was so important, Attorney General Bill Barr should have made the announcement but nobody has seen him in over 3 weeks. He’s tuckered out or something.

Over 20 progressive groups have called upon House Democrats to impeach Bill Barr next week.

40 million people have already voted. Early voting has increased as much as 400% in some states. People are voting as if their lives depend on it because it does.

Democrats boycotted this morning’s Senate Judiciary Committee’s vote today to tuck up Lindsey’s quorum for the Amy Coney Barrett vote but he went ahead and had the Republicans vote anyway. They voted her out of committee 12–0 and now it’s on to the Senate floor for a full Senate vote. Tuckers. Republilcans wouldn’t even allow a hearing, much less a vote, for Merrick Garland, Obama’s pick for SCOTUS 10 months before the election. Now they’ll be voting on Trump’s pick a week before the election after over 40 million people have already voted. Tucking Tuckheads.

One other reason that the Republicans are rushing Amy Coney Barrett through is to beat any stories that will come out about her that show how unfit she is to serve on the highest court of the land such as her sitting on the board of a private school that denied children entrance if they had gay parents . The school also refused to hire teachers if they were gay.

The Pope just came out for same sex civil unions. Amy Coney Barrett is Catholic and is on record for using her role as a lawyer to impose God’s law over man’s law. Now what’s she going to do? Is she going to go against the church now to tuck over the LGBTQ community?

12 days until election day. Tuck!

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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