USA! USA!

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJun 3, 2019

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Trump has landed in the UK along with his entire clan, the Beverly Hillbillies. Taxpayers are paying for it. The whole grifter family is grifting us right now by booking an entire floor of a luxurious London hotel where they’ll get drunk, raid the mini bars, and throw mattresses out of windows. USA! USA!

We’re picking up the tab, over a million dollars, so Trump (WHO IS NOT WELCOME IN THE UK) and his moocher family can travel to London where he will sit in his hotel room, watch TV and insult the BBC.

As Trump descended into London, the Beverly Hillbillies looked down on banners hung about the city on bridges and buildings telling Trump to go back to his country. An 18 year old kid mowed a giant penis in the grass near the airport. People are waiting for him with signs, milkshakes, and fish guts to throw at him. The baby Trump blimp is in position.

While landing in London, he tweeted: @SadiqKhan, who by all accounts has done a terrible job as Mayor of London, has been foolishly “nasty” to the visiting President of the United States, by far the most important ally of the United Kingdom. He is a stone cold loser who should focus on crime in London, not me……….Kahn reminds me very much of our very dumb and incompetent Mayor of NYC, de Blasio, who has also done a terrible job — only half his height. In any event, I look forward to being a great friend to the United Kingdom, and am looking very much forward to my visit. Landing now!

Melania was received by the Queen of England wearing a better hat.

Ivanka Trump walked outside onto the balcony of Buckingham Palace and sang, “Don’t cry for me Argentina.” Not really. She just struck a pose and Argentina cried. Everybody cried.

Lunch should be interesting. Prince Harry will be there. Trump called his new bride, who he is madly in love with and is a brand new mother, “nasty.” Give ’em hell, Harry.

Trump is raging at CNN because he can’t watch Fox and Friends in London.

Trump popped into a church in Virginia yesterday, the national prayer day for him, right after golfing. He never mentioned the shooting. He didn’t say anything at all. He was wearing a golf hat and golf clothes. He took his hat off after he walked on stage before the preacher prayed for him. He just stood there, frumpy, out of place, and self conscious. After a few minutes he smiled, did a fist bump and left the stage. The whole PR stunt lasted 16 minutes.

Acting White House Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney said it’s not an unreasonable thing for someone in the White House to try to have the USS McCain moved to please Trump.

Bishop Thomas Tobin of Rhode Island warned everybody not to celebrate Gay Pride month because the LGBTQ community is bad for children. Um, no. Priests are bad for children. Why just the other day a priest in Missouri (call me Father Fred!) got busted for having little boys dress up like the baby Jesus before sodomizing them. He admitted to molesting at least 25 boys. The LGBTQ community isn’t a threat to children. The Catholic Church is.

Democrats have been blowing it on impeachment messaging. They meant to say, “We’re going to start impeachment proceedings after the public is better informed about what’s in the Mueller Report,” but instead it came out “no impeachment” which put people who already know what’s in the Mueller Report into a complete panic.

Impeachment numbers are the same or higher than Trump’s approval ratings and that’s without a single public hearing. The House Intelligence Committee must subpoena Bob Mueller. He doesn’t have to say any more than what’s in the report. He just has to say it so people who don’t read can hear it.

Trump has imposed or raised tariffs on China, India, Mexico, and the EU. He considered placing tariffs on Australia as well. There aren’t many countries left. He’s isolating us from the rest of the world and crashing the global economy. Dipshits chant, USA! USA!

Jared Kushner made a $1.15 billion real estate deal. $800 million of it will be backed by the federal government. USA! USA!

Barack Obama got a standing ovation at Game 2 of the NBA Finals in Canada as Trump flew to London, into a sea of angry protesters.

USA.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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