Wanna Be Dictator

Spike Dolomite
3 min readJun 14, 2023

--

Fox News aired Trump’s speech at Bedminster last night after introducing him as “the president of the United States.” They put up a split screen of Biden speaking on the left side and Trump on the right. The chyron below read, “WANNABE DICTATOR SPEAKS AT THE WHITE HOUSE AFTER HAVING HIS POLITICAL RIVAL ARRESTED.” Afterwards, Fox said they took it down “immediately” to “address.”

Earlier in the day, Fox put up a photo of a woman who was clearly not Melania and said that Melania had arrived at the courthouse.

During Trump’s speech at Bedminster he vowed that if he wins the presidency he will appoint a special prosecutor to go after Biden and the entire Biden crime family. He promised to obliterate the deep state. “I am the only one who can save this nation.” Spoken like a true wanna be dictator.

CNN is being careful about the amount of coverage they are going to give Trump this time. Jake Tapper killed video replay of Trump schmoozing at a popular Cuban restaurant after the arraignment. He said he wasn’t going to let Trump turn the spectacle into a campaign ad. MSNBC didn’t broadcast his speech at Bedminster because it’s not news. They won’t be airing anything from now on that includes obvious lies.

CSPAN played Trump’s wanna be dictator speech live.

Fulton County sent charging officers to Miami to observe how law enforcement handled the arraignment. They’re preparing for a similar response.

Trump raised $2 million in the hours following the arraignment.

Trump signed his appearance bond with a sharpie that Walt Nauta probably carries for him so he can sign autographs wherever he goes.

In order for Trump to be processed yesterday in court, he needed to hire an attorney who is licensed to practice in Miami. He asked about 6 attorneys to join his team and they all said no way so he must have begged Chris Kise to come back. He has worked for Trump before. Lucky for Trump, he agreed. A former president, once the most powerful man in the world and supposedly one of the richest, has been arrested and charged for some of the most serious of offenses without a high powered legal defense team.

Jack Smith is still investigating Trump’s fundraising activities after January 6, after grifting a few million off of his cult followers for a supposed legal defense fund to “fight election fraud.” He didn’t use the money for that. That’s wire fraud and deception.

Dissemination of classified documents is not in the indictment even though he showed some to people at least two times at Bedminster. Could another indictment be coming in New Jersey?

Former Republican House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who goes on Fox all the time to pontificate about Democrats being the root of all evil (he’s the guy who led the charge to impeach Clinton and started the whole movement of vengeance politics and Republicans incapable of governing) testified before the federal grand jury investigating January 6. The grand jury has been quietly working.

Lindsey Graham is nervous. He told reporters, “If the special counsel indicts President Trump in Washington, DC for anything related to January 6th, that will be considered a major outrage by Republicans because you could convict any Republican of anything in Washington DC.”

Trump didn’t pardon anybody in the last 2 weeks of his presidency after the failed insurrection. Congress members who were in on it begged him for pardons and he didn’t do it. Why? Because everybody who broke the law on his behalf did not succeed so they didn’t deserve pardons. Now they’re all going to get indicted and go to jail.

Hey Lindsey! If Republicans break the law and try and help a wanna be dictator overthrow the government, turns out you can convict Republicans of anything in Washington DC because prior to Trump, anything was never thought possible.

Federal prosecutors have a 99.6% conviction rate. Over 90% of defendants usually plead guilty and never go to trial. Trump thinks he can take the feds on and win with a mediocre legal team. What makes him think he can do that?

It’s Trump’s birthday today. Happy birthday, wanna be dictator.

--

--

Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

Responses (7)