Watch the Doors

Trump gave his longest MAGA speech ever at CPAC — about 2 hours of rambling, incoherent, outrageous bullshit.

Bullshit. He said that word a lot throughout his sweaty rant.

He performed for a room full of paranoid white senior citizens and neocons.

The only other president who talked longer than Trump was William Henry Harrison in 1845. He read a 8,445 word speech for his inaugural address outside in the freezing cold and then got pneumonia and died.

Trump was so worked up people thought he’d stroke out and die but he didn’t. He’s still alive.

You know, I don’t know, maybe you know. You know, I’m totally off script, right. … You know, I’m totally off script right now. And this is how I got elected, by being off script. True. And if we don’t go off script, our country is in big trouble, folks. ’Cause we have to get it back………..New York City would have to rip down buildings and rebuild ’em again………Robert Mueller put 13 of the angriest Democrats in the history of our country on the commission. All killers. He wanted the job as FBI director. I did not give it to him. Why isn’t that mentioned? Jim Comey, Lyin’ James Comey, is his best friend. James Comey is his best friend…….Mothers who love their daughters give them massive amounts of birth control pills, because they know their daughters are going to be raped on the way up to our southern border. Think of that. True story told to me by the Border Patrol. Think of how evil that is……… The crazy female senator from the state of Ohio (the 2 senators from Ohio are men.)

When people tried to duck out early, Trump said that he’s been watching the doors. They all sat back down. Not one person got up and left.

He said we need to preserve our heritage which everyone there understood to mean make America white again.

He said Democrats in Congress hate our country and inferred that the ones who aren’t white didn’t do well in their own countries.

He said he’s not being given enough credit for all of the progress he’s made with North Korea. He wants credit for saving the world from North Korea while nuclearizing Saudi Arabia.

He tried to use the “I was only joking defense” when it came to him asking the Russians to release the 30,000 emails by Hillary Clinton.

He said he did have the biggest inauguration crowd. He did! He did! He did! That photo that the fake news published was taken a few hours BEFORE the biggest inauguration in history.

He said illegal immigrants are supported from the day they get here to the day they die. He says that as often as he says bullshit.

He said he’s going to sign an executive order protecting free speech.

He said they’re trying to take their guns away but he will protect them.

Token black MAGAs, Diamond and Silk, made a mockery out of themselves at CPAC and accused Nancy Pelosi of Trump asking for a blank check. They said, “He didn’t aks you for a blank check, Miss Nancy. He aksed you for $5.7 billion so we can build the wall!”

“Wypipo love to see Black folks shucking and jiving for their entertainment. CPAC broke out their own Black court jesters, Coal & Polyester. Ladies, I’m sure boss was very proud of his African Americans.” — Bishop Talbert Swan

Republican hypocrite fun fact: MAGAs can’t be racist because they laugh at Diamond and Silk.

Meanwhile in West Virginia, the Republican Party set up an anti-Muslim display in the rotunda in the state capitol with a photo of the World Trade Center on fire with the caption “‘Never forget” and underneath it a photo of Democratic Congresswoman Ilhan Omar, wearing her hijab, with the caption, “I am the proof — you have forgotten.” A fight broke out between the pissed off Democrats and the xenophobic Republicans and someone got hurt. The House’s sergeant at arms, Anne Lieberman, a Republican, resigned after she got called out for saying, “All Muslims are terrorists.”

And in Idaho, Republicans in state Congress blocked a bill to outlaw child marriage. If you’re under 16, creepy old men can rape and own girls without consequence.

Show them the door.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.