Well, Shut the Front Door!

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJun 5, 2019
Knock Knock

Trump’s UK visit is ending with a commemoration of D-Day, the largest joint military operation ever undertaken. Watch Trump try and take credit for it. I wouldn’t have died that day and I wouldn’t have been taken as a POW either!

When Trump is finally out of office, he’ll have to move to Russia or North Korea because those are the only 2 countries in the entire world that would take him in. He’d go, feeling like a king, “They like me. They really really like me!” And then POW.

The Senate has done absolutely nothing since January. NOTHING. The House has passed over 100 bills but Mitch McConnell won’t let the Senate vote on any of them. Taxpayers have paid the salaries of every single senator to not work for 5 months. Mitch McConnell gets paid more than the rest of them and not just by tax dollars. Lock the front door of the Senate and don’t let them out until they do the people’s business. No TV, no alcohol, no sex, no calls to donors, bankers or wealth managers until they do their god damned jobs.

In the real world, you don’t get to stay on the payroll if you don’t perform your job duties. The boss will kick your ass right out the front door.

Republicans for the Rule of Law delivered highlighted copies of the Mueller Report to all of the Republicans in Congress except for Justin Amash.

The White House directed Hope Hicks and Annie Donaldson to not turn over documents related to their time in the Trump administration. They flat out blew off Congress. The Attorney General of the United States blew Congress off. The White House Counsel blew Congress off. The Secretary of the Treasury blew Congress off. And Congress let them. No consequences. The system is failing. Trump and the Republicans have locked the door and are about to throw away the key.

Trump has shown us that you don’t have to be smart to be a successful conman. Your victims just have to be really, really stupid, or really, really corrupt. Ding dong ditch, Mitch.

Trump gave an interview yesterday, on foreign soil, and said he was against gun control. “Unarmed civilians are sitting ducks and don’t stand a chance against bad guys with guns,” he said. In the time that it took him to say that 10 people were probably shot back home because nobody is safe from his lawless presidency, the Republicans and the NRA.

It took 4 cops in Virginia, all trained pros wearing bulletproof vests, using all of their ammo, to take down one mass shooter after he killed 12 people and the gun nuts still think that a “good guy with a gun” could have single handedly stopped that armed lunatic.

After the Virginia shooting, Temporary Chief of Staff, Mick Mulvaney, said oh well, you can’t protect everybody.

When is the FBI going to bust down the door and haul the insane criminal out of the Oval Office? Hello?

The Beverly Hillbillies crashed the Queen’s state banquet. They walked straight through the front door like they owned the place. Sarah Huckabee Sanders didn’t forget to take the price tag off of her Hee Haw gown. She’ll return it as soon as she gets home.

There was no official reason for Steve Mnuchin to be in London with the Beverly Hillbillies but he was there, taking selfies on the palace balcony.

Ivanka Trump took a picture of herself with her brothers who run the Trump family business, and her sister in law, who works on Trump’s campaign inside Winston Churchill’s war room bunker during a US government state visit. None of them should even be there. Bolt the door.

Maggie Haberman of the New York Times dubbed the Trumps the American royal family in England. That had to have pleased his highness, King Trump. They’re all there, yucking it up and farting in the palace. Better count the silver after they leave. They take stuff.

Trump couldn’t sleep so he posted mean tweets in the middle of the night. He went after Bette Midler. She told him she hoped he got his dick slammed in a door.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.