Spike Dolomite
4 min readMay 3, 2020

For decent people, the coronavirus has been humbling and life changing. Restless, irritable and bored out of our minds, we stay home because that’s what is best for EVERYONE. For the people who can never be humbled or changed, they never quit thinking about themselves. What about me? WHAT ABOUT ME? While they were breaking quarantine, going to the beach, partying with their friends, and going to get their hair and nails done in states that re-opened for business, America experienced its most deadliest day to date.

“13 people died in the building across the street from me from this virus in the last month, but sure, enjoy the fresh air, leave the masks at home. It’s a little harder to enjoy when you’ve seen a refrigerator truck full of bodies two blocks from your residence.” — Amber Garrett

So far none of the gazillionaire reality TV televangelists who perform miracles on TV have shown up at any hospitals to perform any miracles on dying patients.

Trump said this would all be gone by April. It’s May.

Trump isn’t concerning himself with dead Americans. He’s missing his MAGA rallies. While stuck at Camp David he’s been tweeting out old videos of MAGA rallies and reminiscing about the good old days.

Seeing that Trump wasn’t about to do anything to unify and calm the country, George W. Bush took it upon himself to make an inspirational video to bring people together. That pissed Trump off so he insulted him on Twitter.

After insulting Bush he took a shot at MSNBC’s Nicolle Wallace on Twitter. She used to work for Bush, is a former Republican, and she’s been critical of Trump on her show. She was one of the first people in the media to call out Trump’s mental decline. “He appears less capable of sustaining his own thoughts for longer than 4–6 seconds. It used to be he couldn’t follow anyone else’s conversation but now it seems he can’t follow his own train of thought.”

Trump tweeted at her: She was thrown off The View like a dog, Zero T.V. Personas. Now Wallace is a 3rd rate lapdog for Fake News MSDNC (Concast). Doesn’t have what it takes!

Georgia’s grand re-opening isn’t going so well. Businesses are sitting open but most reasonable people are too freaked out to leave home which leaves infected selfish reckless assholes to patronize hair and nail salons. They’re lousy tippers of course. People whose constant thought is “What about me?” usually are.

“If you re-open will they come? Apparently In Georgia, no. The field of dreams remake SUCKS.” — Steve Marmel

Entitled shitty people are throwing a fit because Costco is making customers wear masks to minimize infection of other customers and their employees. The shitty people are calling for a boycott which is great news for considerate shoppers who are relieved as hell that Costco makes people wear masks. Shorter lines and no MAGAs!

“If you expect elementary school children to endure the trauma of active shooter drills for your freedoms, you can wear a mask to Costco.” — Heidi Freymiller

Things aren’t going too well for Michael Cohen. He doesn’t get to leave prison early because of the coronavirus after all and the lawyers for the Trump Organization have demanded that he discontinue writing his tell all book because he signed a nondisclosure agreement. Talk about writer’s jail block. Badumpbump.

Trump sent the Blue Angels and Thunderbirds out to entertain MAGAs in the name of health care workers. How many masks and tests would that one flight buy?

Reopening the economy without universal testing and tracking or a vaccine is going to be a disaster.

Republicans have never been quieter. They aren’t even sending out thoughts and prayers.

Trump is sitting all alone today, at Camp David, with nothing but his phone, with only one thought on his small, petty, cruel mind — “WHAT ABOUT ME?”

“Was there ever a man born to so much wealth and privilege, given every advantage and opportunity life has to offer, placed in a position to wield immeasurable influence, who has squandered it all so thoroughly?” — Adam Schiff

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.