Whatever

Spike Dolomite
4 min readFeb 13, 2024

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Trump wants his daughter in law, Lara Trump, to be the chair of the RNC. Whatever. Reputable qualifications and relevant experience don’t mean anything in today’s GOP because it’s a criminal enterprise.

The S&P 500 index hit 5,000 for the first time in history. Wall Street is optimistic that the Federal Reserve is going to cut interest rates but whatever, Biden is old.

At a MAGA rally in South Carolina Trump asked Russia to attack our NATO allies, basically inviting World War III. He still thinks that NATO is a club that countries pay dues to belong to. He said, “If NATO countries do not pay the United States to protect them, I will encourage Russia to attack them.” He also talked about a time when he was president when he was asked about NATO. “One of the presidents of a big country stood up and said, ‘Well, sir, if we don’t pay and were attacked by Russia, will you protect us?’ I said ‘No I would not protect you. In fact, I would encourage them to do whatever the hell they want.’”

Trump threatening to abandon our NATO allies and encourage Russia to “do whatever the hell they want” was the fourth story on the New York Times website, under 2 stories about Biden being old.

Trump also called for a military roundup of immigrants. Whatever, Biden is old.

A presidential candidate advocating for the destruction of western democracy is less important to the American press than another candidate saying the wrong name. Biden misstated the job title of Egypt’s leader. Whatever!

One guy stole nuclear secrets and may have sold them, shared classified information with Russia in the Oval Office, said he believed Putin over his own intelligence, led an insurrection and invited Russia to attack NATO and the other one is old. WHATEVER????

Trump did a MAGA rally in Florida and kept pointing to Matt Gaetz calling him Rick Gates. Whatever? Whatever? Whatever?

Trump is old.

Republican Jesus spent millions on ads during the Super Bowl. He’s losing voters. The real Jesus doesn’t need to advertise. It’s a shame that the real Jesus is losing members because of Republican Jesus. People have had it with church. They’re beyond whatever. They’re never.

Speaking of Republican Jesus, a woman walked into Profit Joel Olsteen’s mega church in Houston on Sunday with an assault rifle that said “Free Palestine” on the side and started shooting. Two off duty police officers stopped her. They shot her dead. They also shot the 5 year old child she brought with her, injuring them. She was schizophrenic but was legally sold an AR-15. Whatever. Second amendment!

Trump is so jealous of Taylor Swift he ranted about her on Truth Social. Whatever, dickhead.

The Senate just passed a $95.3 billion aid package for Ukraine, Israel and Taiwan. They finally reached a consensus after months of grueling negotiations and fighting within the Republican Party. The vote was 70 to 29 so it is bipartisan. Republicans in the House are like, whatever. They’re not going to vote for any aid for Ukraine so it’s likely not to pass. Who told them not to vote for aid for Ukraine? Trump? What for? Putin?

Democrats could gain another seat in the House in a special election today in New York for George Santos’s seat. There is a problem, though. This district has a lot of Jewish voters in it and they’re not happy with the Democrats because of the far left’s stand on Gaza. The Republican running is an Orthodox Jew from Israel who is running on the Israeli/Hamas war. She is also using “I am a legal immigrant” as part of her pitch (she grew up in Israel and married a Ukrainian). The other problem is this district is sick of immigrants coming into New York and are blaming Democrats for it. The Democrat in this district is a former member of Congress so he’s well known. He doesn’t have to answer for Biden’s age but he does have to answer for the governor of Texas bussing asylum seekers to his district and dumping them off. He also has to answer to the far lefties chanting, “Free Palestine!”

Ungrateful lazy Americans need to be reminded that Joe Biden stepped up when the country was in the midst of an insurrection, hundreds of thousands of people were dying from COVID, and the economy was in a free fall. He saved us. Ungrateful lazy Americans are like, whatever.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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